“Did Mom ever even pretend to be in love?” he heard himself ask.
Zach made an indescribable sound masqueraded as a laugh. “You kidding? Of course she does. She falls in love extravagantly. She gets dreamy, girlish, excited. She’s made so many mistakes, she says, but this is real. Until she gets bored or—” His laugh was harsh. “Who knows with her? Lowell Carter—the guy who gave me his name—he was great. Treated her like a queen. He was a father to me. They stayed married four years, which was her record after Dad. But I think she was screwing around on him a couple years into the marriage. It was hard to watch.” He zeroed in on Bran’s face. “You’re engaged. Aren’t you in love?”
Even the question made Bran uneasy. He’d set himself up for it, after accusing his brother of being in love, though. “I guess not,” he said finally. “I don’t even know what that feels like. But I want a family. I want a woman I can go home to every day. Kids. Commitment’s what counts, not some romantic bullshit.”
“I’ve never even wanted that,” Zach said slowly. He had a strange look on his face. “Wife and kids, I mean. After I quit hearing from Dad...” His shoulders jerked. “And, Mom aside, I know too many guys who are divorced. Get to see their kids every other week, if they’re lucky. As cops, our odds are even worse than most people’s.”
“Paige likes her job, too. I don’t think she’ll mind my hours.”
Zach’s eyes, which looked eerily like Bran’s, could be damn penetrating. “Does she know you don’t love her?”
“I haven’t told her I do.” There’d been a few awkward moments when he could tell she was waiting for words he couldn’t give her. Bran thought she’d convinced herself he did, which was okay. He’d never walk out on a commitment, which was more than most men could give.
Not feeling anything he could call love? Maybe it should bother him, but it didn’t.
In that instant he had a thought that did bother him. What he felt for Zach was tangled, infuriating, but powerful. It might even be love. It was certainly more powerful than what he felt for Paige.
So what? He was thirty-seven years old. If he hadn’t stumbled head over heels in love with a woman by now, it wasn’t happening.
Bran swallowed the last of his beer and pushed back his chair. Looking down at his brother, he said, “Would a wife and family be so bad?” Before Zach could answer, Bran said, “I’m out of here. Paige wants me to look at silverware and china patterns, believe it or not.”
“Better you than me.” Zach walked him to the door.
Bran was halfway down the narrow, cracked cement walkway when his brother’s voice reached him. “Mom keeps asking.”
He didn’t even turn his head. “And I’ll keep saying no.”
“She’ll be the grandmother of those kids you’re planning.”
Bran flipped his brother off but that last shot stayed with him. Paige’s dad was okay, but Bran didn’t like her mother. Was she to be the only grandmother his children ever knew?
He paused for a minute, car door open, and gazed at Zach’s house. His mother, at least, had been likable. He grimaced at that. Too likable, apparently. Bran found it hard to forgive the damage she’d done to Zach. None of which meant she wouldn’t be an indulgent grandmother. As a mom, she’d been fun and affectionate. His kids probably would like her.
Bran found himself shaking his head. Her cheating had too much to do with making him the man he now was. Letting her back in his life...he couldn’t do it.
No was the right answer.
* * *
MOSTLY ZACH APPEARED at Tess’s after dark, but Sunday night he suggested she come to his house instead. He’d done some work she might like to see, he said. If she hadn’t already eaten, he’d cook.
He’d parked to one side of his driveway and left his garage door open, which she took as an invitation. Tess drove in and, as she walked the short distance to the house carrying her tote bag over her shoulder, saw Zach’s front door open. He stepped out as the new garage door slid closed behind her.