The silence held between them, and for one agonizing second, it was almost as if she would choose him. Almost as if she would let him take her hand and kiss her pain away.
Almost.
But in the end, it was just that.
Almost.
Because the moment she spoke, everything became clear.
“I’ll always love Damen, Ioniko.”
The truth was in her words. In the way her voice shook with both love and strength.
“The life we share may not always be perfect, but he will always be the reason I breathe, and I know…”
It was in the way she never tired of loving the other man even if it meant her tears would fall endlessly.
“I know you are one of the reasons why I’m by his side and for that I’m eternally grateful.”
It was in the way she looked at him without seeing him.
“I’ll always treasure your friendship, Ioniko, and I’ll always be humbled by it.”
Because for Mairi, it was and would always and only be Damen.
And never him.
Part IV
Ioniko had no fucking idea how he had gotten to Schuyler’s building. One moment, he was lost in the pain of his past, and the next thing he knew, he was outside her front door, and she was standing before him, her beautiful eyes wide with shock.
“Can I come in?” he heard himself ask.
“Uh…of course.”
He stepped past her and watched Schuyler shut the door closed and activate the locks like she was handling the Rubik’s cube version of manual security systems. When she finally turned around, she bumped straight into him, and Ioniko had to swiftly reach out to prevent her from losing her balance.
“You’re okay?”
“Um, yes—”
He let go of her as soon as he heard her words, feeling like he had lost all rights to touch her.
“What’s wrong?”
His gaze swerved back to Schuyler at her words, and Ioniko realized with a jerk that she was doing it again.
“Please just don’t stare at me like that.”
Subconsciously or not, she was once again reading the truth in his heart—
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
And he didn’t fucking want that.
Fuck no.
He nearly snarled the words out, and he had to clench his jaw against the urge to tell her to stop.
Don’t look inside of me.
Don’t.
Just don’t.
Because if she did…if she fucking did…then she would know that even if he was looking at her right now, it was someone else he was seeing. That even as she started talking, and his own lips started moving in return—
Ioniko, I’m sorry.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
It was as if he wasn’t himself.
Is it because I wanted to date someone else? Because if it is, I’ve already decided it won’t happen again.
It was as if he had turned into a spectator of his own life and standing before Schuyler was a doppelganger that moved like him. Spoke like him. Bled like him. And because it wasn’t him, things were fast unfolding beyond his control—
I know…I know it was stupid. So you have…you have my word. I’m not going to date another guy again. Okay?
He found himself unable to reach for her even as the pain in her voice flayed him.
Ioniko, please.
It was as if his hands were tied, his lips sewn shut, and all he could do was watch—
Say something, please.
She was breaking, fucking crumbling before his very eyes, and all he could do was fucking stare—
Please.
He tried. He goddamn tried to speak. But with the echoes of Mairi’s name still on his lips, he just couldn’t risk hurting her more.
Please, Ioniko.
Her eyes closed as if she could no longer bear the sight of him. I’m sorry, koukla mou. Her tears started to fall, and shamed anguish incinerated him from within. He had to tell her the truth. It was the least he could do, and after that, she could decide whether to forgive and trust him again—
“Don’t you want me anymore?”
For one moment, all Ioniko could do was stare at her.
Theo. God.
He saw her lips started to tremble, and the few shackles that were left to chain him to the past broke under the heartbreaking weight of her words. No. God. Fuck. No. What had he fucking done?
“Schuyler.” He hauled her into his arms, and she started to sob, her tears branding his chest in a way that threatened to destroy him. God. In his desperate need to right things between them, he had unknowingly driven Schuyler to cast her pride aside and speak of words that should never have crossed her lips. She had humiliated herself because of him, and he had no fucking idea how to make it up to her.
No goddamn idea—
Until he felt her trying to regain control of herself.
No goddamn idea—
Until he felt her starting to pull away.
And that was when he heard himself say, “I still want you.”
She jerked in his arms.
“I still want you,” he repeated doggedly, “and that’s why I had to see you.”