He scrubbed his hands over his face. Her brother-in-law hadn’t survived. Her sister’s perfect life was on fire. Kendall would be right there in the middle of it, taking care of everyone around her. Would she take care of herself in the process? Nope. Of course not. Not unless someone intervened, and they’d all be too focused on her older sister to worry about her, especially if she didn’t show any outward signs of struggling.
It was sheer lunacy to go to her. She drew her line in the sand, life events influencing that or not. If he showed up without an invitation, she’d reject him right to his face instead of with her silence. Alex pressed the heel of his hand to his chest. It fucking hurt now, with a little thread of what-if hanging before him. He couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to have that tiny possibility closed off.
Still wrapped in his thoughts, he headed out into the main room to check on things. Cherry worked behind the bar, all smiles for the customers though she could cut a man off at the knees if he stepped out of line. The tables scattered through the rest of the room were half filled, and his guy who was working part time as he went through college flitted between them, easily taking orders from memory and balancing the food and drinks when he delivered them. Everything ran like a well-oiled machine.
Normally, witnessing that was enough to warm Alex, to give him a deep sense of accomplishment. Yeah, he was still lonely, but he’d helped build this community and he took pride in that. Right now, all he felt was empty. The world didn’t shine quite as brightly when Kendall wasn’t in the room.
What the fuck was he doing? Was he really going to let her go just because she hadn’t called him for help in the middle of a crisis? What the hell was wrong with him?
Alex strode behind the bar and waited for Cherry to finish pouring three shots and distributing them. She turned to him, one pierced eyebrow raised. “Yes, boss?”
“I’m going to be gone for a couple days. Maybe a week.” He hoped. “Pop’s in town if you need anything.”
She rolled her eyes, but she smiled when she did it. “Don’t you know by now that we can mostly handle things without you?”
“I’m beginning to see that.”
“Finally.” She laughed and smacked his shoulder. “Get out of here. We have this covered. I’ll call if I need anything.”
He couldn’t quite manage to make a joke about not burning the place down in his absence, but he gave a tight smile and left. A quick trip home to throw some stuff into an overnight bag and he was on his way to the airport. It wasn’t until he was actually sitting in the plane that the reality of what he was doing rolled over him. In a few hours, he’d see Kendall again. He didn’t know what that would look like, what would come of this. He didn’t know anything, but he was going to try.
Pop was right—he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t.
* * *
Kendall had never been so tired in her life. Between her and Marley, they’d managed to balance the tasks that came from seeing someone from death to burial. Going down the checklist she’d created felt morbid and reminded her of when her grandmother died, which dredged up more emotions she didn’t have the capacity to deal with right now. They’d helped Gretchen pick a plot in the cemetery—one in the same area as Ethan’s family going back generations—and the casket and the flowers and the pictures to use for the slideshow.
Through it all, Gretchen was just… numb. It wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. But it was like her brain had shut down parts of itself to see her through this, like the trauma of losing Ethan was too much for her to truly comprehend. Kendall and Marley took turns coaxing her to eat and ensuring she drank enough water, because if left to her own devices, she forgot both.
If she lost this baby, too…
No. Kendall would not think about that.
She pulled on the same black dress she’d worn to Grams’s funeral years ago and gave her hair one last cursory look. Her appearance didn’t really matter, but she wouldn’t give the town gossips any more fuel than they already had. They’d never bothered her much before—she was too much a perfectionist, even as a child, to give them ammunition for their whispers—but she’d be damned before she added to Gretchen’s burden right now.
Marley waited for her downstairs. Her dress was shorter than it had a right to be and she had full makeup on her face, right down to the brilliant red lipstick. She gave a tight smile at Kendall’s questioning look. “It’s just backup, sis. I’ll give those assholes something to talk about that isn’t Gretchen.”