“I stayed well out of the way after that. One night, I went out and met up with some other acquaintances. Had a few too many to drink and I passed out. By the time I woke up and went home the police were there. The baby had been hurt really badly. We were all taken in for questioning and the media had a field day with us all. I know we weren’t innocent. That little girl died and I knew that any one of us should have stood up to her parents, or called the authorities—something, anything, to protect that innocent child.
“I always thought my mother was a bad person, but I was worse. I did nothing when I could have done something. I could have been that little girl’s one chance to have a better life—what am I saying? Even just a life—if I’d only done something, spoken to someone. It was a heck of a wake-up call. I promised myself I’d clean up my act. The police never did get enough evidence on anyone to press charges. I vowed that if I ever had a baby, I would be the best mother it could ever have. I’d love it, I’d protect it—it would want for nothing. When I came here and met James it was like a dream come true. I wanted to create a perfect life for us. Too perfect for him, though. Eventually I drove him into another woman’s arms.”
Sam sat up straighter in his chair. “He was unfaithful to you?”
Erin wiped an errant tear from her cheek and nodded. “When I found out, we’d already entered the IVF lottery. I confronted him about it, asking him what he wanted. Us and the chance to have a family, or her. He chose us. But then he got sick and, well, you know the rest.”
Sam felt as if he’d been through a wringer listening to her story—but she’d had it worse, she’d lived it. He knew there was more, so very much more. Layers and layers of hard times and hard choices. His respect for Erin grew in leaps and bounds, his love for her deepened. She’d gone through so very much and still come out determined to be the best person possible at the very end. It was no great wonder that after all she’d endured, she’d been prepared to conceal the truth about Riley’s paternity in order to continue to keep the home that meant so much to her.
It wasn’t just that she loved the lodge—although he knew she did. It was also because she knew exactly how hard it was for a young mother out there with nothing and no one to help her support her infant.
“You’re an incredible woman, Erin Connell.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Look, I allowed my emotions to cloud my perspective where you were concerned. They made my reaction to hearing about your past just that, a reaction. With no thought, no consideration. I stand by my statement, Erin. You are incredible.”
“Your emotions?” she looked up and stared at him.
“I was falling in love with you, Erin.” To his horror she paled even further.
“And I screwed that up, too, didn’t I?” she said brokenly.
“I’d thought—hoped—that maybe you were falling in love with me, too. Weren’t you?”
Seventeen
Riley started to fuss on the mat and rubbed at his eyes with his pudgy little fists.
“It’s time for his morning nap. I’ll get his bottle.”
Erin leaped to her feet and disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. She’d latched onto the chance not to answer his question and had all but run from the room. Had he read her all wrong after all? Had she not been falling in love with him? He scooped Riley up off the floor and cradled him in his arms.
“Sorry, my boy, I don’t have the goods you’re looking for right now.”
She was back within a couple of minutes, a warmed bottle in her hand. She thrust it at him.
“Here, you may as well do it. You’ll be doing a lot more of it soon, anyway.”
Somehow, in the short time she’d been in the kitchen, she’d shored up her defenses again. The vulnerability that had been starkly visible on her face only moments ago was gone. He took the bottle from her and offered it to Riley, who dutifully opened his mouth and eagerly began to drink, his little hands slapping against the sides of the bottle and Sam’s hand. It was a precious moment, but one that highlighted the gulf that was opening up between Erin and Riley.
“You’re bottle feeding him now?” Sam asked without thinking.
“It’s in the terms of the contract that he be weaned before you have full custody.”
She said it bluntly, in a no-nonsense voice that almost managed to hide the longing in her voice. Guilt gave him a hard mental slap. Lost for words, he poured his attention into watching the boy in his arms. Riley was almost asleep by the time he finished the bottle.