And all that aside, even if she could fight Sam, even if he had to provide court-ordered maintenance toward Riley’s care, she couldn’t afford a legal battle. She didn’t have two pennies to rub together herself. Everything she and James had built up here at Connell Lodge had been invested back into it. Into the estate that was supposed to form a part of Riley’s heritage. A heritage that would now, in accordance with the original James Connell’s wishes, be gifted to the State of California.
She had nothing. Nothing and nowhere to go. No job, no prospects. No future.
When the lodge was taken away from her, it would be the tipping point that would see Riley into Sam’s care, she just knew it. Every instinct in her screamed at her to run. To pack the car full of every basic item she and Riley could need, to grab him from his crib and to drive until she could find somewhere that Sam Thornton couldn’t find her. But in her heart she knew she couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to Riley.
So where did that leave her?
If Sam truly was Riley’s father then, yes, he did have rights to his son. But until she had categorical proof of those rights and a court order to hand him over, she would not let her baby out of her sight. And, until that moment, Sam Thornton could take a hike.
Wearily she tipped the casserole into the trash. She had no appetite. Once she’d cleaned up the minimal disorder of her kitchen she went through to her room, showered and dressed in her nightgown, only to stare at the dark ceiling all night as sleep eluded her and the terrifying prospect of losing her child filled her mind.
She was still groggy from lack of sleep the next morning. Thankfully, she’d drifted off somewhere around three in the morning, but Riley was an early riser and today was no exception. Her relief was palpable when she went in to get him from his crib. His temperature was back to normal and he was back to his happy gummy-smiling self.
Erin lost herself in the routine of morning, trying desperately not to think about what was going to happen next. By the time she made her way through to the kitchen with Riley she was almost starting to feel normal, despite the hunk of anxiety that sat somewhere between her chest and her stomach. She hadn’t been in the kitchen long when she heard Sam enter the room.
“My car will be here shortly,” he said bluntly.
She turned slowly, forcing herself to meet his gaze, but she needn’t have worried. Sam’s attention was one hundred percent on the little boy in the tabletop rocker. Riley crowed and kicked his feet as he saw Sam.
“Good morning, my boy,” Sam said, a note of something in his voice Erin couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Hunger? Longing? Maybe even love? In an instant she saw the resemblance between the two of them. The square shape of Riley’s jaw, the slight indentation that would no doubt, with time, become like the dimple on Sam’s chin, as well. Her heart squeezed painfully tight. Now that she knew, she saw other resemblances, too. How could she not have noticed them before? How could she not have questioned Sam’s arrival, her first guest inquiry in months, hard on the heels of the letter from the clinic’s representatives and the lawyers acting for Party A—Sam? She still found it hard to get her head around the fact that they were one and the same. That he’d deceived her from the very start. The knowledge sent a buzz of anger vibrating through her.
“Feel free to wait outside,” she said as curtly as possible and turned back to the baby cereal she’d started Riley on the past few mornings.
“Yeah, I bet you’d like that. But it’s not about what you want anymore, Erin. It never was. It’s about my son and me.”
Erin felt his words as if each one was a physical blow. A solid and hurtful reminder that she wasn’t good enough. She’d never been good enough. It was why she’d worked so damn hard to carve out a life for herself here. Away from the father who’d abandoned her as an infant, away from the mother who had taken every opportunity to tell Erin how her very existence had blighted her mother’s life. Away from every other person who had let her down, told her she was a failure, that she was no good.
But she’d proven she was better than they’d all said. She’d pulled herself from the brink of what was surely about to become a desperate spiral. She’d become reliable, focused, strong. She pulled her shoulders back and faced Sam as calmly as she could.
“Thank you for your honesty. It’s probably one of the few truths you’ve delivered to me the whole time you’ve been here. Now, if you’ll excuse Riley and me, we’re going to my private quarters to eat our breakfast. Please pull the front door closed behind you on your way out.