After Laura’s death, Sam had sworn not to love another woman again. Not only did he not deserve to, he couldn’t trust himself. Everything in his life he’d done to the very best of his abilities, and he’d set the bar high. Yet with his wife, he’d failed. Failed on the most basic level. And that failure had cost her life. As he’d lain in a hospital bed in the aftermath of their car smash he’d welcomed the pain of his injuries, and afterward, the agony of rehabilitation and learning to walk again. Every torturous step was a just punishment for what he’d done.
His life had become defined by his guilt and his failure. Even the company he’d created from a speck of an idea and grown into a multinational software empire failed to hold his interest any longer. He’d dwelled within a dark place for the past year and a bit. A dark place lit only recently by the information that Riley Connell may be his son. Suddenly he had something to strive for, someone to live for again. Someone to build a world around.
Even now, just thinking about the boy made his heart squeeze. Already he could see a family likeness. The baby had the Thornton nose and the stubborn set to Riley’s chin was so like Sam’s own and his father’s before him. Was he tilting at windmills? Seeing things he wanted to see? He wouldn’t know for certain until Erin consented to stop delaying the DNA testing.
He huffed a deprecating laugh. They’d gone beyond consent the minute he’d seen her walk into that lawyer’s office today. David would rustle up that court order, using whatever favors he could pull and Erin would have to agree. Sam didn’t want to wait any longer. He wanted to know now. He needed to be a part of Riley’s life, his future.
Sam pushed his chair away from the desk and strode over to the window, staring out at the lake. It was beautiful here. An amazing place for a child to grow up. How would Riley cope, he wondered, sharing his time between the edge of the lake and Sam’s inner-city apartment? It would be all very well while he was small, but Sam wanted his son to attend the best schools, to have advantages geared toward his future that he wouldn’t have here. Would Erin agree?
He shoved a hand through his hair. He was jumping the gun a bit. A bit? he asked himself ruefully. A whole freaking lot. Everything hinged on those tests. Everything.
His very world.
By the time he headed downstairs later that day, he’d pushed his mood behind him. As he approached the kitchen, he could hear Riley’s fractious griping followed by Erin’s soothing tones and he felt a new appreciation for her. She’d been raising Riley single-handedly. It was no easy task and yet he hadn’t heard a single word of complaint from her about it. Erin was stirring something on the stove as he entered and Riley gave a squeal of recognition as Sam entered the room.
“Oh, it’s you. I’m sorry, but dinner’s running a bit late tonight,” Erin said over her shoulder.
She sounded tired and distracted.
“No problem. That lunch kept me going and it’s not as if I’ve been burning off energy,” Sam said, lowering himself to the table and handing Riley the toy he’d flung to the tabletop.
“Do you want to go into the main sitting room, watch a bit of TV maybe?” Erin suggested.
Was she trying to get rid of him? “No, I’m fine. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Sam, you’re a guest here. You’re not supposed to help.”
“It’s not like you’re overrun with staff.” He smiled in return. “And I don’t mind chipping in when I can.”
Riley threw his toy down again and instantaneously began to fuss. Sam picked up the toy again and handed it back to Riley, wondering just how long this game had been going on. Quite a while, if the tense set of Erin’s shoulders and her pale face were anything to go by.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Erin said putting down her spoon and wiping her hands on a towel tucked into the waistband of her jeans. “He’s not normally this demanding. He slept a bit too long while we were away and then wouldn’t settle for his afternoon nap, so he’s overtired and grumpy.”
Sam chuckled. “I know how he feels. Can I take him for a walk outside for a bit? Would that help?”
He saw the relief on her face rapidly chased away by guilt. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“Hey,” he said softly. “I offered.”
He could see the battle on Erin’s expressive features and knew he’d won when she sighed and said, “I’ll get his stroller and his blanket, then.”
Outside, the evening air had a slight chill to it, a reminder that summer was on its way out and that fall wasn’t far away. The bay was still and settled with the dark shadows of the tall trees on the perimeter beginning to cast long shadows across the surface. Sam hunkered down beside the stroller and pointed to a pair of birds flying by, but Riley’s attention was already captured by them.