His lips shifted and he deepened the kiss. When his mouth opened over hers, hers opened beneath his and his tongue slipped between her lips.
Sensation after sensation poured through her. The physical ones she expected. The heat in her blood, the tingles that ran down her spine. Those were simple biology. But the emotional ones—the swell of longing, the sense of rightness—overwhelmed her.
She’d never felt anything like this before. Not just a desire to get but to give. To give herself to him. And let the chips fall where they may.
And that scared her.
Because the chips that would fall didn’t just affect her, they’d affect Jason. The twins. Chance. The rest of her life, if one night of pleasure caused her to lose the job that was helping her to regain her sanity.
“Stop!” She yanked away and scrambled out of his arms to the floor. “Stop.”
Wonderful heat and need still enveloped her. Sweet yearnings that she wanted so desperately to satisfy. Not just for herself but for Chance. That part hurt her, caused an aching sting of guilt she knew would follow her for days. Inside, her loyalties were shifting. She wanted to be for Chance everything that he wanted her to be. She wanted to care for his kids, but she also wanted to care for him. To love him. To be his confidante. To rub his shoulders when he was tired. To kiss away the cares of the day.
But she couldn’t.
Tears welled behind her eyelids. She took another step back.
He said, “I’m sorry.”
Guilt pummeled her. She knew better than this. “This time sorry won’t cut it.”
His eyes filled with misery. “Then I don’t know what to say.”
She stepped even farther away. “That’s because it’s not your fault.”
“Of course, it is. I kissed you.”
“I let you.” She cleared her throat. “I wanted you to kiss me. I want so many things.” Angry with herself and realizing what they really needed was for her to be totally honest, she rubbed her hands down her face.
“It’s really difficult being engaged to someone who can’t even speak.” She swallowed hard. “But I’m committed to him.”
He shook his head. “Tory—”
She stopped him with a wave of her hand, caught his gaze. “I don’t know how he did it, but he protected me from the brunt of the fall when the motorcycle hit the ground and slid across the pavement.” The tears hovering on her eyelid spilled over. “He saved me. It’s because he saved me that I can get out of bed every morning, care for your kids. See the sun.”
“And you feel guilty so you believe the way to pay him back is by not enjoying any of those things?”
“No. I think the way I pay him back is by standing by him.”
He shook his head. “No man protects a woman in an accident so that she can spend the rest of her days sitting by the side of his empty body.”
She gasped.
He caught her hand and forced her to look at him. “I know right now you think that everything I’m about to say I’m saying out of selfishness. But, you know what? I’m saying this because I’m a guy. A normal guy. Which is what I guess Jason was. A normal guy.”
She tried to jerk her hand free. He held her fast.
“You’re looking at this like a romantic. But if Jason is half the man you think he is, he wouldn’t want you to spend your days off sitting by his bed when he can’t see or hear you.”
“There’s no proof he can’t hear me.”
“You’re missing my point. He didn’t save you so you could sacrifice the life he saved. He saved you because he wanted you to go on.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Oh, yes I can. Because I’m a guy and I know that if you and I were on the bike and we were careening toward disaster and I used my body to shield yours, it wouldn’t be so that you could waste that life.” He caught her gaze. “In fact, I’d be mad if you threw away the life I’d given mine to save.”
Her mouth trembled.
“The kind of man who inspired your devotion wouldn’t want you to do what you’re doing. But there’s a bigger reason I’m telling you this.” He swiped his hand across the back of his neck. “I’m worried about you. How long can you go on leading half a life?”
That hit her right in the heart. In all the years since the accident everyone in her life had worried about Jason. Even her. A mangled leg had seemed like a small thing—was—a small thing compared to a coma. So everyone had focused their energies on Jason. His injuries. His needs.