She needed to get beyond all of her fears, to start seeing the future as something more than a hollow void. She needed to see herself as strong, capable. She needed to stop hearing the crunch and screams of an accident that had happened five years ago.
She needed to do this.
She settled in as he started the bike. It roared to life, shimmied beneath her.
He turned and yelled, “Hang on,” then the bike shot forward and her hands leaped around his middle to keep her from falling off.
As they flew down the brown brick lane, the sounds of the accident roared in her head. Terror shuddered through her, paralyzing her. But she didn’t feel the force of hitting the oncoming car or the pavement. She stayed on the comfy seat, her arms securely anchored around Chance. Cool air flowed around her, the scent of it crisp and clean. Warm sun beat down on her.
Even as she began to enjoy the sensations, she clung more tightly to him, until she no longer heard the sounds of the accident. No longer felt fear. The sheer joy of doing something she’d always loved rolled through her, saturated her, lifted her heart and her spirits.
He drove the bike out of the driveway and a half mile down the quiet street. With her fears gone and the happy sensations filling her, she suddenly realized she was snuggled up against Chance. Her arms were wrapped around his waist, her cheek was pressed against his back. She could smell him, the combination of aftershave and man.
The feelings that rose up in her stole her breath. Not only was he solid and male, so wonderful to touch, but also he knew her. Jason’s parents wanted her to spend every free minute with their son, pretending everything was okay. Her parents wanted her to get on with her life and give up hope.
Chance saw her fear, helped her face it. Knew the real way to move on wasn’t to forget Jason but to reenter the world.
A wisp of something curled through her. Insubstantial like smoke, she couldn’t quite catch it but she swore it was a piece of her old self, the person she used to be, trying to rise up in her, nudging her to like Chance.
But she couldn’t. Not just to protect herself, but to protect him.
He stopped the bike in front of the cottage and she slowly slid her hands off his middle.
Regret filled her.
He turned with a smile. “Better?”
She laughed. As much as she hated that there could be nothing between them, she couldn’t stifle the joy careening through her. “Amazing.”
He climbed off the bike. “Will you be able to look at this without cringing now?”
“I may even be able to pat it a time or two.” Reluctantly, she lifted her leg across the seat and got off. As she pulled her helmet from her head, she caught his gaze. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
His eyes were the serious blue they’d been the day he’d arrived. Torn. Turbulent. The air between them crackled with electricity. He’d felt everything she’d felt in the five-minute ride. Connection. Joy. And probably the nudge that he should like her too.
She stepped back. He stepped back. She handed him the helmet, then she left to see Jason.
When she arrived, his parents sat on the chairs by the window. They exchanged pleasantries with her and suddenly they were gone.
And she was alone again.
She sucked in a breath and made a tour around the room the way she always did. Straightening the chairs by the window. Dusting the table between them.
“So, it’s Thanksgiving next week.” She didn’t feel odd talking to Jason as much as she felt empty when he didn’t reply. “I’m going to my mom’s. Chance—that’s the name of the guy I work for.” She paused to smile at Jason. “Anyway, he and the kids will be going to some big blowout dinner his mom hosts every Thanksgiving. Mom and Dad were invited, but I asked them if we could beg off. It’s hard working for a guy, living with him and socializing with him.”
She swallowed. Realizing how perilously close she was to admitting she had feelings for Chance, she quickly changed the subject and brightened her tone. “Besides, his mom loves time alone with the kids. With me being gone for four whole days, she will be in hog heaven.
“Not that she’d say hog heaven,” she quickly corrected. “She’s a bit formal.” But not too formal. She let her call her Gwen. And Kate was sweet and Max was funny. It was no wonder it was so easy for her to blend in with that family.
She cleared her throat and began telling Jason stories of the adventures of the twins. When the sun set, she grabbed her coat and purse and headed for her car. She wouldn’t let herself even think of how visiting Jason now felt like a job and playing with the kids felt like her personal life. She just got in the car and drove back to the cottage.