Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my wallet and pulled out a twenty. Tossing it onto the bar, I tipped my hat at her. “Have a good evening, Jenny.”
Before she could say anything else, I walked out of the bar and into the casino. I had to stay an extra day in Vegas for an event Wrangler was putting on. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out. It was a text from Dirk.
Dirk: Where are you, Brock? I’m worried about you, dude.
Dirk had been trying to babysit me all damn weekend. I’d told him about what had happened in the barn, and how I’d freaked out and left after I’d told Lincoln I couldn’t do it.
To say he was disappointed in me was an understatement. To his credit, though, he never actually said anything; he simply let me talk it out.
I typed back my reply—In the casino. I’m fine—and shoved the phone into my back pocket.
Making my way outside, I dragged in a couple of deep breaths and then reached for my phone again. I pulled up Lincoln’s name and stared at it.
How in the hell can I tell her the idea of making love to her without a condom freaked me the fuck out? It had been so soon, and for her to suggest it had completely thrown me for a loop.
It was in that very room in the barn where Kaci and I had decided to try for a baby. I had made love to my wife on that very bed in an attempt to save my marriage.
When I had glanced around and realized what in the hell I was about to do, it almost felt like déjà vu. Not that Lincoln was trying to get pregnant; I knew that. In my mind, though, nothing had made sense at the time.
Making love to Lincoln without a condom would have meant things were different between us. The only woman I’d ever had sex with without a condom was Kaci. And, even then, it had been in an attempt to save our marriage.
Guilt ripped through my body. I had wanted to make love to Lincoln in that barn. In that room, without a condom. When Lincoln said she was on the pill, I realized in that very moment that I wanted her more than I had ever wanted my own wife.
I felt something so much stronger for Lincoln than I had for Kaci. But how could I make love to Lincoln in a place I’d had sex with my wife as well?
When I recognized the one emotion that had surfaced in that tack room, I panicked. I wasn’t ready to let love in yet. And realizing I wanted to make love to Lincoln with no barrier between . . . I’d wanted to feel what she felt like more than I’d wanted my next breath.
“Kaci, I’m so sorry.”
Pushing my hand through my hair, I closed my eyes and cussed. Lincoln had laid her heart out for me, and I’d destroyed it. When she’d looked at me with tears in those green eyes and said she was sorry, I’d wanted to tell her that I loved her.
When I’d realized that, I’d had to leave. Needed to get out of that room. The emotions of everything had hit me so hard all at once, I’d felt like I was drowning in them.
I’d let my guilt over falling in love with Lincoln hurt her. I’d not only let Kaci down, but now I’d let Lincoln down as well. When I’d told Lincoln I couldn’t do this, I had meant I couldn’t betray Kaci. But was I really betraying her by falling in love again?
“Fuck, I’ve messed everything up.”
I owed Lincoln an explanation.
Hitting her number, I took a deep breath.
Her voice mail picked up. “Hey! This is Lincoln Pratt. Sorry I missed you. Leave your message, and I’ll call ya back!”
The sound of the tone alerting me to leave a message made me jump.
“Hey. It’s me, Brock. I need to talk to you. Explain why I left. I’m, um . . . I’m still in Vegas until tomorrow. Please call me back.”
I hit end and then dialed my mother’s number.
“Daddy!”
A warmth completely filled me to hear the sound of my son’s voice.
“Hey, buddy. What are you doing? Where’s Grams?”
“I just finished riding! Grams is talking to Miss Lincoln.”
My heart stilled in my chest. “Lincoln is there?”
“Yep. She came by to ask if me and Uncle Ty would look after Thunder, her horse.”
I swallowed hard. “Why?”
“I dunno. Something about her going back to Atlanta.”
Nearly dropping the phone, I tried to keep my legs from going out from underneath me. “She’s going back to Atlanta?”
“Yep. Her and Miss Kaylee.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face. “Hey, can you take the phone to Grams? Fast?”