CHAPTER TWO
ROBYN
I lay awake all night struggling with my options. The first one of course was to go to Aaron and tell him the truth. I played that scenario out in my head over and over again and I saw Aaron’s beautiful face as he listened to me tell him I need seventy-five thousand dollars and if I don’t get it, his reputation will be in jeopardy. It was never good, no matter how I practiced telling him. What if he thought I was with him only for money? What if he despised me for being dishonest with him in the first place? I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing anything in his eyes other than the adoration I see now for me when I look into them. I would love Aaron if he was dirt poor, but I doubt I could convince him of that after I asked him for so much money. I scratched that option off the list.
The next option was to scrape the money together myself. I calculated how much money I actually had in my head. I had about two thousand in my savings and if I tapped into my 401K, I could get another five maybe after taxes. I didn’t have any possessions that would bring in any kind of money if I sold them, except for my necklace. The lump in my throat pushed up again and the tears flowed… what I had wasn’t even a drop in the bucket. I wasn’t going to sell that necklace; it would be like auctioning off a piece of my heart. What was I going to do?
I was still in bed early the next morning, still awake when my phone rang. I jumped at first, thinking that it was the other phone and it was Igor. It was too soon for him to be calling me. He was supposed to give me three days. What was he doing? I stopped obsessing long enough to finally realize it was my own phone that was ringing. I reached for it and looked at the face. It was Aaron. I looked at the time and realized it was already six thirty in the morning. I’d lain there all night in an anxiety induced haze.
“Hello?” I tried to sound normal but I could hear the shakiness in my own voice. I’m sure that Aaron could hear it too.
“Good morning, beautiful. How are you feeling?”
“I still feel really sick I’m afraid. I probably won’t make it in to work today. I don’t think there’s anything too pressing going on in the department…”
“That’s okay, I’ll let Max know. You take care of yourself and feel better. Get lots of rest. Would you like me to bring you anything on my way in to the office?”
“No, I’d rather keep my distance for a day or two… I don’t want to give you this. I’m going to miss your face terribly, but I’d hate making you sick. It’s just the stomach flu, but it’s nasty.”
“I miss you already,” he said, virtually ripping my heart completely from my chest. I felt the tears flood my eyes again and I tried not to sound like I was crying when I replied.
“I miss you already too.”
“Are you sure it’s just the flu baby? You sound upset.”
That was my golden opportunity to tell him the truth. I knew it was the right thing to do. He deserved to know the truth about me. If the situation were reversed, I’d expect him to tell me… I didn’t tell him though; I let the opportunity pass.
“I’m sure sweetheart. I’m sorry. I just feel really icky. I’m just sick though, not upset.”
“Don’t be sorry. You feel better and let me know if you need anything at all.”
“I will, thank you.” I hung up and once again dissolved into a torrent of tears.
I lay there and sobbed and shook and sobbed some more for another hour, maybe two. I finally realized that I was getting nowhere this way. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and start thinking. This problem was not going to solve itself.
I made myself get up and shower and while I was standing under the hot spray I thought about the company I worked for, Aaron’s company. I thought about all of the expense accounts I was in charge of. I was a supervisor. I had access to accounts and credit cards… Dear God, I was thinking about stealing money. I’d never stolen anything in my lifetime and here I was thinking about stealing money from the company that I loved that was owned and ran by the man that I loved. I had to get out of the shower and throw up again. Even with everything I’d been through in my life, I’d always been able to say that I liked myself. Right now, only thinking about stealing money was making me despise myself. I had never even gone through a shop-lifting phase as a kid. My parents taught me how hard people worked for the money and things they had. I had no right to just take anything from anyone. When I finally stopped shaking and stood upright and looked at myself in the mirror, I decided that I couldn’t do that. I would just have to think of another way.
I didn’t go to work for two days and every time Aaron tried to come see me I begged off with the stomach flu excuse. I couldn’t look him in the eyes as I plotted to steal from him. I’d gone back and forth with that one and had finally come to the conclusion that it was my only choice. I was going to embezzle the money a little at a time and then I was going to put it back, out of my own pocket, no matter how long it took. I couldn’t lose Aaron. I had to do it this way. If I got caught, things would be horrible… but they were horrible right now, weren’t they? When you’re wrapped up in your own head the way I was the thoughts that seemed so rational at the time, really weren’t. What I wouldn’t give for the benefit of hindsight before I went and did something incredibly stupid.
On the third day just as Igor promised it would, the throw away phone rang. I let it ring three times, but just the sound of it ringing made my stomach hurt. I finally picked it up.
“Igor.”
“Hello babe. You have my money?”
Every time he called me “babe” I wanted to scratch his eyes out. “Of course I don’t have the money. It’s been three days and you want seventy-five thousand dollars. I will get your money, I have a plan but I’m going to need more time.”
“I give you two weeks. I will expect you to call the number that is now on this phone every three days and let me know of your progress…”
“I don’t see the need for….”
“I’ll talk to you in three days. Have a nice day babe.” The line went dead. I threw the cheap little phone across the room. I was disappointed later when I picked it up and realized it hadn’t broken.
I spent my first full day back at work going through the accounts that I had access to and trying to map out the best course of action. I would have to only take a small amount from each one and then make sure it looked like the money was used for a legitimate business expense. Meanwhile, I would set up a new online account and move the money into that. I would make sure that it listed those of us who had access to all of the other accounts on it just in case anyone scrutinized it for any reason. Once the money was moved in there, I would withdraw it a little at a time. While I was in the midst of doing all that, Aaron walked into my office. I could feel my heart slamming against the walls of my chest.
“Good morning,” he said, coming around the desk to give me a kiss. I switched off the computer screen quickly before he got there and got to my feet.