“What’s the difference?” I admired her independence and resilience. It was one of the reasons I was attracted to her in the first place. But times like these made me realize it was biting me in the ass.
“There’s a big difference.”
How did I defeat an opponent more stubborn than myself? How did I overrule someone who resisted oppression? How did I govern someone who didn’t believe in rules? “You know I’m a man who gets what he wants. And I know you’re a woman who gets what she wants. I think we’re going to have to compromise here.”
She shook her head slightly. “I’m not letting you buy me an apartment.”
“Okay. Then what’s the compromise?”
She looked away because she didn’t have one.
“How about I buy it for you, and you pay me rent?”
She sighed in annoyance. “I’ll never be able to afford a place like that. Don’t you get it?”
“You can pay me whatever you were paying before. That’s a compromise.”
“I don’t want a dime from you, Calloway. I’m with you because of who you are, not how fat your wallet is. I’m sorry, but I respect you too much to take anything.”
Her words were kind, but I couldn’t appreciate them. A lot of women wanted me because I was powerful, good-looking, and wealthy. They wanted to be showered with gifts and live with me in a penthouse in Manhattan. I knew some women didn’t care who I was underneath my layers. That was why I chose the lifestyle with Ruin. It was much easier, much simpler. But then Rome came into my life and screwed everything up. “I appreciate that, Vanilla. I do. But I’m offering it to you, so it’s not disrespectful. It’ll ease my mind if I know you’re safe when I’m not around. You’ll never understand how much it hurt me to see you with a black eye. I can’t let that happen again.”
“That was a fluke.” Her anger continued to slip away as the conversation continued. Now her voice came out quiet, like a gentle whisper in the breeze. “I can take care of myself, Calloway. Really, I can.”
“But you don’t have to.”
She looked at me again, her green eyes soft.
“I know you’ve been doing it your whole life because you had to. I know you struggled and prided yourself on standing on your own two feet. I know it’s hard for you to take down your walls and let anyone in. But I’m not just anyone, Vanilla. You don’t have to keep struggling. There’s nothing wrong with taking the easier road sometimes.”
She looked away, her eyes no longer trained on me. “You’re a great guy, Calloway. You’re sweet and kind, and I understand how lucky I am to have someone like you. Whatever we have…I love. When I’m with you, I feel things I thought I would never feel. I feel safe, protected, and cherished. And sometimes, I think I’ve found a partner who really understands me.”
The words went straight into my heart, throbbing in both pain and pleasure. I knew she was serious about me if she slept with me, but she didn’t confess her feelings very often. She only gave me looks and kisses. Now she was giving me more.
“And I think I’ve found a man just as broken—but just as strong.”
My hand balled into a fist to stop myself from reaching over the table and grabbing her. I wanted to hold her in my lap and force her to straddle my hips. I wanted to hold her close to me and kiss her until her lips were bruised.
“And that’s why I can’t take anything from you. I don’t want to ruin what we have. Allowing you to buy me something just complicates things. And even if I pay you rent, that still makes everything awkward. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but neither of those is an option.”
So much for a compromise. “Then live with me.” In the back of my mind, I knew it was a stupid decision. I enjoyed having her around, but if it became permanent, we would have problems. If she didn’t want the things I wanted, it would be painful when she left. But that didn’t stop me from making the offer. “There’s no exchange of money, and I’m not giving you anything. And you’re safe. It’s the best compromise.”
She watched me with her pretty eyes, her features soft and unreadable. When she didn’t say anything for nearly a minute, I knew her response wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “I can’t live here.”
The disappointment hit me harder than I expected it to. In fact, I was devastated. I’d become used to her being around the house. I’d become used to her sharing my bed. I’d become used to seeing her every minute of the day when I wasn’t at work. I never would have asked her to live with me to begin with if she had somewhere else to go, but after it happened, I didn’t regret it. Now, I regretted her leaving. “It’s a big place. Plenty of space for both of us.”