All my anxiety disappeared when he said those words. “I feel differently with you too.”
“My past has nothing to do with us, so I’d rather not compare us to it.” His hand tightened on my lower back, keeping me in place. “All I know is, I want to be with you—and just you.”
My heart warned me I was getting into something dangerous. Calloway was a loose cannon and didn’t have the kind of track record I looked for in a man. I would’ve rather known he used to be in a serious relationship and was looking for marriage and kids…but that wasn’t the case. But I knew I couldn’t walk away from him, not when I felt this strongly about him. My heart beat wildly in my chest anytime he was near, and I grew weak in the knees every time he kissed me. I’d been searching my whole life for someone like him, a partner who helped the less fortunate. I’d been looking for a man who didn’t give up when times grew rough. I’d been looking for a man who could give me that beautiful feeling of bliss whenever he kissed me. For all those reasons, I didn’t want to walk away.
I never wanted to walk away.
Christopher walked beside me in the park, sipping his coffee. We both just got off work and decided to meet up for an early dinner. Now, we were walking off the calories we consumed because we stuffed our guts with too much Indian food.
Fall in Central Park was beautiful because the leaves changed to red and gold. Winter was a blank sheet of white. The leaves on the trees were caked in the powder, and the pond was frozen over with ice that was inches thick. But in either case, the backdrop was still beautiful.
“Dude, I hate work right now.” His long gray coat stopped at his knees and kept his large body warm. “It never ends. Just when I think I’m caught up, I walk in the next morning and it’s a nightmare all over again.”
“Yeah, but you love it.”
“No. I need to find a sugar mama. You know, a hot little number that makes bank. I could stay home all day and play video games, and when she gets home, she could ride my dick and bring me a present.”
I rolled my eyes. “You would never do that.”
“Hell yeah, I would. If I met a doctor or lawyer or something.”
“You would get bored.”
He shook his head. “You don’t know me very well. Besides, we’d have kids, so I’d take care of them.”
“And when they’re at school all day?”
He shrugged. “I’ll shop on Amazon.”
That time, I actually chuckled.
He sipped his coffee and stuffed his free hand in his pocket to keep warm. “So how’s it going with Mr. Dreamy?”
“Don’t call him that.”
“What? He is.”
“Maybe he can be your sugar mama since you like him so much.”
He was about to reject the idea when he shrugged instead. “That wouldn’t be the worst idea. We both like the Knicks, and he’s pretty laid-back.”
I didn’t know if he was kidding or not. “Things are good. We made up, and everything has been smooth.”
“Wow. I’m surprised he didn’t dump you.”
“That makes two of us.” I’d slapped him three times—and deep down inside, I liked it. That made me a sick and twisted freak. I didn’t have any inclination toward violence, but that somehow got me fired up.
“Must really like you. I could tell the first time I met him. He doesn’t acknowledge anyone else in the room but you. Not sure why. I mean, it’s not like you’re a supermodel or anything.”
“Uh, thanks.”
“Whatever you have, he’s into it. Looks like you’re doing something right.”
The last conversation we had was about his lack of commitment. He wasn’t looking for marriage and kids. He’d never thought about it before, and even now, it wasn’t on his mind. I wasn’t sure if I should be worried about it. I didn’t need to get married right away, but I also didn’t want to waste my time. “I want to ask you something, and I need you to be serious.”
“Me?” He chuckled. “Like that’s possible.”
“Christopher.” I used my stern voice so he knew to straighten out.
“Alright.” He sipped his coffee. “Lay it on me.”
I adjusted my red scarf around my throat to keep the cold from touching my skin. My breath escaped as vapor, and I felt bad for all the homeless on the street. There were shelters, but they were overflowing and unsanitary. “We were talking last night, and he basically told me he’s never been in a serious relationship and isn’t looking for a serious relationship. He doesn’t think about marriage and kids. And the last relationship he had wasn’t really a relationship, but a fuck buddy situation.”
Christopher kept walking, his wide shoulders looking powerful in his coat. The hair on his face had come in because he hadn’t shaved for days, but it probably protected his skin from the kiss of winter. “And?”