I felt two conflicting emotions at once. It still bothered me that he wanted to do those things to me, that he wanted to make me submit to him. To give up my freedom and enjoy his cruelty was something that unnerved me. It would be a crime against my own sex. But then the words he said afterward made me numb everywhere. He wanted to be with me to the exclusion of everything else—and that meant the world to me.
He watched me as he waited for a reaction, for me to say something.
I didn’t ever want to be his sub, but something about his words aroused me. I knew if I ever got on my knees and allowed him to command me, he would be harder than he’d ever been. His chest would expand with heavy breaths, and his intensity would multiply by a million. The idea of turning Calloway on turned me on. But I still wouldn’t make the sacrifice. “I don’t judge you, Calloway. I’ve never judged you. I just don’t understand.”
“You would understand if you tried.” His words implied what he meant, that I needed to allow him to be a Dom to truly get what he meant. I’d have to step into the darkness with him, to become a demon just like him.
“I just…I wish I was enough for you.”
His eyes softened in remorse. “I never said you weren’t, Rome. When I went to Ruin, I wasn’t hard at the memory of having a sub. I was hard at the fantasy of having you as my sub, of making you my plaything. You’ve always been enough for me, sweetheart. I don’t want anyone else but you.”
I looked to the ground, unable to meet his intense gaze any longer.
“After all this time, I wish you understood that I would never hurt you. That what we would have would be nothing like the abusive relationship you had with that asshole.”
“I know it would be different, Calloway. I don’t compare you—”
“Then why won’t you try with me?”
I should have known this would come up eventually. For the first few weeks, we were happy together. But the truth always had a way of coming back. “Because I don’t want to, Calloway.” I tried to say it as gently as possible even though he would still be disappointed. “I have no desire to be treated that way. I love it when we make love. I love it when we can’t even get our clothes off before we fuck on the dining table. That passion is more than enough for me. I don’t want it to change.”
“What if we had both?”
“No.” I didn’t want to fulfill his fantasy of being a weak possession.
“I made a sacrifice for you. And you won’t make one for me?” He did a good job of keeping the edge out of his voice, but some of his resentment seeped through.
“I never asked you to make the sacrifice.”
“Bullshit.”
Fire rushed through my body at a million miles an hour. “I said I didn’t want to be your sub, and I walked away. You’re the one who said you’d change to make this work. I never asked you to.”
“But you didn’t give me any other choice.”
“It’s not the same thing,” I argued. “If you miss it so much, why don’t you just go back to it? You can find a woman far more beautiful than me to get on her knees and ask to be whipped.” The idea of him being with anyone else repulsed me, but I was too angry to control my tongue.
“I can’t live without you,” he snapped. “And don’t act like you didn’t know that.”
“You never tell me you love me.”
His nostrils flared like I’d said something that really pissed him off. His shoulders grew rigid with his fury, and he breathed through the rage, attempting to keep himself under control. Then, out of nowhere, he rushed me.
He dashed to me so quickly I could barely see him move. There was nowhere to go but backward, and my back hit the kitchen counter when I ran out of space. He grabbed me by the hips and threw me onto the counter before he grabbed my panties and ripped them apart. He got his slacks undone and his cock out in record time, shoving himself violently inside me.
I gripped his shoulders and held on as he fucked me on the counter, giving it to me hard, without giving my body a moment to acclimate to his enormous size. He was rougher than he’d ever been before, taking me like an animal.
He grabbed the back of my neck and focused my gaze on his, still thrusting deep inside me. “Because I don’t need to say it.”
6
Calloway
Rome wasn’t going to change her mind.
I needed to accept it and move on.