I give him a treat, but he refuses to eat it.
‘I’ll just leave it here, and you eat it later when you feel like it, hmmm?’
I kiss him again and walk to the door, but he follows and whimpers pitifully and cries as if I have physically hurt him when I close the door. I stand for a moment hearing him scratching at the wood and feeling terrible, then knowing that there is nothing I can do about it, I take my shoes off and go down the stairs.
The house is so quiet I can hear my heart hammering in my chest. I was never risking anything except my father’s displeasure before. If discovered, what I am doing now is dangerous to all the people I love most. I always thought my father loved me in his own way, but now I know. I am just a pawn in his game. I have no value to him beyond opening a door to the most esteemed echelons of society.
Fortunately, the nervousness and that sinking feeling that everything is going to go wrong doesn’t translate into anything bad. I scale the wall easily in my red dress, the taxi is waiting at the end of the road, and before I know it I am standing outside Noah’s door. I ring it and he opens it.
Even though I am smiling at him, he takes one look at my face and asks, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Now that I’m here, nothing. Absolutely nothing,’ I lie.
He pulls me in as his eyes roam my body. ‘You look fabulous,’ he murmurs, nuzzling my neck. There is music in the background. When A Man Loves A Woman is playing.
I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to be sad. I just want to hide in a dance and a smile. ‘Will you dance with me?’ I whisper. A last dance. To forget my great misery.
He lifts his head and smiles softly. ‘Does the pope pray?’
I smile as he tightens his arms around me and we move slowly in time to the music. I bury my face in his neck and inhale the lovely male scent of him.
‘Sergei didn’t want me to come tonight,’ I whisper.
He pulls a little away to look at me. ‘Why not?’
I don’t know for sure.
‘Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or am I going to have to use my secret method of extracting information,’ he teases, even though his eyes are actually very serious.
‘You’re going to have to use the secret method,’ I tell him.
‘Right. You asked for it.’
He picks me up and carries me to the bedroom.
I laugh while my heart cries, don’t leave me.
He puts me on the bed and looks down at me. His eyes are dark and hungry. ‘God, you’re so beautiful, Tasha,’ he says, his exhaled breath almost a hiss.
‘I don’t want you to use a condom. I want to feel you come inside me. I want you to fill me with cum.’
He narrows his eyes. ‘Are you protected?’
I shake my head.
‘But—’
I grasp his hand urgently. ‘It’s what I want.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.’
Very gently he removes my dress and my underwear. Then he begins to kiss every nook and cranny of my body. Every inch, every tip, every swollen bit of flesh, every wet thing, until my body feels as soft as warm butter, and I feel as if I have no will of my own. I feel the heat seep into my pussy as if I’ve been sitting with my legs open for a long time in the sun.
‘How do you feel?’ he asks.
‘Mmmm.’ I can’t speak. My sex-hazed mind can’t even think. I let out a small moan as I feel the thick head of his cock enter me. My muscles wrap around it eagerly.
‘How does this feel?’ I ask, squeezing his shaft.
‘Tight, hot, and wet.’ He pushes all the way in.
‘Fuck,’ we both say in unison.
‘I love watching my cock disappear into you,’ he growls as he jams into me hard.
‘Don’t let me go, Noah.’ The words in my heart slip out of my mouth.
He stops moving. We stare at each other. ‘Understand something, Tasha. I will never give up on you or let you go, no matter how hard it gets. You are my woman. I will cover your body with my death if I have to.’
And just like that the tears begin to flow out of my eyes.
‘Tasha, what’s the matter?’
I shake my head. ‘Don’t stop.’
He looks down at me worriedly. ‘Are you all right?’
He tries to pull out of me, but I grab his hips. ‘No. Don’t stop. Please finish. Please make me come. Make it the most beautiful sex we’ve ever had.’
‘I can’t. Not when you’re crying …’
‘I’m fine. Honestly. Please. For me.’ The tears run freely down my temples as I struggle to master my emotions.