“You know I’m not ready for that,” I whispered, an emphatic plea. “I don’t understand why you keep pushing me that direction. My heart doesn’t have room for any more breakin’.”
What kind of horrible person did it make me that I was having these thoughts at all? The feeling rushing me every time Jace stepped into the room.
Attraction and desire.
Part of it made me feel dirty. The other part of me was sure I couldn’t stop it if my life depended on it.
I guessed that probably stemmed from the fact that’s the way loving Jace had once felt.
As if my life depended on it.
Courtney reached out and fiddled with a loose strand of my hair, her expression encouraging. “I think you’re ready for more than you’re willing to admit. I think you’re so much stronger than you think. And I think maybe that amazing heart of yours is ready for something good after it’s been dealt so much bad.”
Good?
A gust of air left my lungs, my heart and spirit at odds with what she’d said. “Jace is dangerous,” I told her, barely able to free it from my tongue. “That beast is liable to wipe me out flat.”
She swung her attention back out the window.
Jace was leaned casually against the railing, chatting with his brother as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. His profile so striking, so dominant and commanding as he stood there, that it was borderline painful for me to look away from it.
It didn’t matter if he was wearing ratty jeans or a suit.
He appeared as if the world couldn’t touch him. Only because he owned it.
But, oh God, could I feel him touching me from across the space. His presence these tendrils that wrapped around me, held me hostage, sank right in.
Taking root.
Through the window, those coppery eyes flashed my direction.
A tremble rumbled through the walls.
“And what if that’s exactly what you need? A beast to watch over you. His strength to hold you up.”
Guilt lined my throat. “It’s not right.”
She shook her head. “Love’s not about right or wrong, just like grief isn’t about counting days. Love is about being given a gift. Sometimes when we least expect it. Usually when we need it most.”
My lips pursed tightly in refusal. “Love? He doesn’t love me.”
She grabbed the bowl of watermelon, a grin threatening at her mouth. “You just go on tellin’ yourself that.”
I scowled at her. “I thought you didn’t want Jace anywhere around me.”
Another shrug. “Maybe I changed my mind.”
“And why would you go and do that?”
She looked out the window. “Only a man who really gives a shit shows up in the middle of a tragedy. Assholes? They like it nice and easy. They tuck tail and run the second things get rough. It’s the ones who really care who stick around.”
“It was way easier when you were hatin’ on him,” I muttered quietly, barely a breath, pretty much talking to myself.
“Hatin’ is always easier than lovin’, isn’t it?” she said right before she pushed open the door and stepped out onto the porch.
No.
She was totally wrong.
Because loving Jace Jacobs had always felt like the easiest thing in the world. Right up until that love was taken away.
Twenty-One
Jace
“And here I had to come out of the ocean buck naked in front of half the high school.” Mack glared at Ian, who was rocked back in one of the patio chairs, all smug the way he always was.
“Hey, warned you if you told Delaney I was crushing on her, you were going to regret it.”
Somehow, we’d started tossing out stories from back in high school while we sat under the shade of the porch. Tyler and Shane had taken off, so it was just a few of us left.
The mood had gone light.
That didn’t mean that energy wasn’t billowing from her.
Floating through the atmosphere.
Clouds at the edge of heaven. Maybe right in her hands.
I tried to pretend I wasn’t all wrapped up in the way she felt sitting two feet away from me and watched as Mack gave a shrug with one of his hulking shoulders. “Turns out, it worked in my favor, anyway. Maddie didn’t seem to mind all that much.”
“Ewww.” Courtney laughed and smacked at her thigh. “You would go for Maddie, Mack. You were such a dirty bird back in high school.”
Mack grinned and drained the rest of his lemonade as he looked at her. “Was?” He winked at her. “Besides, what was so wrong with Maddie?”
There was a smirk riding around his mouth, his beard twitching as he kept himself from laughing.
“Uh, how about the fact she went around braggin’ about every boy she sacked. She might as well have been a football player.”
Mack scoffed. “I think you were just jealous those linebackers weren’t trying to take you down.”
Courtney shot him a glare. “I’ll have you know I could have had anyone on that team. I just liked the boys I dated . . . a little more seasoned.”