“No. You’re not.”
She jerked her head in my direction at my denial of what she’d heard me call her over and over again.
“Do you want to go to the police station and file a report? If you don’t, that’s fine. We’re taking care of this one way or another, but I don’t want to make that decision for you.”
She sighed, sinking even further into the leather seat. “I just want to go home.”
“Okay. Then that’s where we’ll go.”
I parked the car in the garage and was about to get out when her voice stopped me.
“He didn’t rape me. You got there before it happened.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner.”
If I could have physically hurt myself for not being there for her I would. But no, I was avoiding the fact that I couldn’t push Alexandra away again. I’d woken up that morning and immediately wanted to go to her and slide between her sheets. But I’d needed to think—to process what had happened last night. So, I’d bolted, going to the gym, the office, back to the gym—anywhere to not be alone in the apartment with her.
Then I’d gotten the call from Jared about the post selling Alex and my whole world collapsed around me. I’d listened to him tell me about when and where, all while my lungs worked overtime to compensate for the way my blood thundered through me. Terror of losing her had swamped me, almost making me collapse.
“Fuck. Jared. Why?” I almost pleaded with him. “Why would she do this?”
“I don’t think it was her. I tracked it to the same library, but it was last night when she was at the gala. She couldn’t have posted it herself. You want me to get MacCabe on this?”
“No. There’s no time to wait. I’m checking the apartment first and if she’s not there, I’m headed that way.”
None of it would have happened if I’d just been there.
We sat there until the dome light went off. She kept staring at her fidgeting fingers and biting her lip. I wanted to reach out and tug it free from her teeth but after everything tonight, I was letting her come to me.
I followed her lead as she got out. I remained quiet when her sniffles began in the elevator. But holding myself apart from her became impossible when the apartment door closed and she fell to her knees on the hardwood in the foyer and gut-wrenching sobs tore from her. One hand supported her against the floor as her back shook. The other was doing its best to hold in the cries as though trying to physically shove them back down where she wanted them.
I eased to my knees in front of her and moved slowly, giving her the chance to pull away before I placed a hand on her back. She didn’t stop me. She lifted enough to move her hand to my thigh where she clung to me, her nails digging into my skin through my sweatpants, before moving to ease herself into my arms.
“He touched me,” she confessed through her hiccupping tears. “I want to feel clean, Erik. I need to feel clean.”
I slipped my hands under her knees and pulled her to my chest, cradling her as I made my way to my bathroom. Her sobs slowed back to sniffles when I set her down on the bathroom tile.
I started the shower and shed my shirt, socks, and shoes, leaving my pants on. Once the water warmed, I tugged her into the walk-in shower, clothes and all. They were quickly saturated and hung from her body but I let her wash away her pain the way she needed to. I held her for as long as she wanted me to until she stepped back and unzipped my hoodie she still wore.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Her hand shot out to grab mine. “No. Please don’t leave. I just…I just need it off me. I need it all off me and gone.”
“We’ll burn it later.”
That got a small laugh from her and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. In the face of her worst nightmare, she found a place to laugh, no matter how small. I kept my eyes high above her head as the clothes came off, falling to the tile floor with a slap. She was vulnerable and taking in her naked skin right then was the last thing I’d do.
She stepped into me, her warm skin against mine. “Please hold me.”
“Of course.” I ran my hands up, clinging to her when her tears began again.
“I’m so sorry, Alexandra. You are so brave and strong. You will be okay. I promise.” I kept whispering words against her hair, over and over hoping one of them would sink in and ease the pain. I had no idea what I was doing. I’d rescued hundreds of women, but I’d never been the one to console them—to make it better. Even Hanna had had therapists and my parents to help her through the emotions. I worried that I would mess up with Alexandra, but nothing would stop me from offering her everything I had.