I gripped my cock and stroked it softly. My eyes slid closed and I sunk into the memory of her soft whimpers.
12
Alexandra
The ending credits of Revolutionary Road scrolled up the screen. Erik had taken to buying movies on Amazon for me to watch. It made being mad at him hard. He was a conundrum of being a dick and having these redeeming qualities.
The way he left me alone most nights in the apartment allowed the annoyance to grow. I clicked off the TV and looked out at the shining lights of the city.
Maybe I should take the five thousand and go. It was a lot of money. I could get an apartment by the bus station. I could make it work.
But barely.
I’d still struggle and I just wanted a little more to life than to constantly struggle. I’d be able to accomplish more with ten thousand. I’d be able to reach all new levels if I had a college degree and guaranteed work.
It won’t be like this, I reminded myself.
But the lights of the city called to me and this empty apartment wore on me. I needed fresh air, a little of the freedom I was working toward. Staring down at the phone on the coffee table, I thought about texting Erik to let him know I was going for a walk, but why bother. He was off on one of his many dates and I’d be back before he even knew I was gone. I’d only walk a few blocks and come right back. Maybe grab a bite to eat while I was out. He couldn’t be too mad if I was just getting some food.
The decision made, I grabbed my coat and a couple bucks from the box Erik kept money in. I tried not to use it, but he said it was for food and other essentials. At most, there was fifty dollars in there and I could replace anything I took with my first paycheck.
The cold air washed over my face and instantly I felt better. The weights holding me down in the apartment lifted. I walked slowly in no specific direction, just enjoying the sound of cars driving by and not being alone. It only took a block before my mind strayed to Leah. I thought about her more than I wanted. I wondered how she was, wondering if she was safe. The idea of her alone, being abused by Oscar turned my stomach.
I’d planned on leaving everything behind once I had the ten thousand dollars, but I’d been fooling myself. I would never be able to completely cut myself off from my sister.
Things hadn’t always been so bad. Life in Ireland had been great actually. Even when we moved in with Mom, we’d still banded together. When we first moved, we’d sat on the floor of our shared room and made a blood pact. Us against the world.
When older boys had asked me on a date, she’d done my makeup and helped me dress. She’d also punched my date in the throat when he’d tried to kiss me after I told him no. Then Mom had gotten really bad, working less, taking more drugs. Then Leah met Oscar and it spiraled from there, the good memories becoming nothing. But there were enough good memories to keep me from completely leaving her.
I stopped at a crosswalk just as a bus stopped to pick people up. Making a rash decision, I checked where it was going and hopped on. My leg bounced harder with each stop we made closer to my destination. When we’d got as close as we’d go, I hopped off. Zipping my jacket up higher, I looked side-to-side. This area of town was familiar but much more dangerous than the swanky downtown area I’d just left. The buildings disappeared and trailers took their place.
The sign for our trailer park came into view, a streetlamp only half illuminating it. Standing in the shadows, I considered turning around and going back. Erik would be pissed if he knew where I was, but I just needed to know she was okay. I took a deep breath and rounded the corner, heading to Leah’s trailer. Funny how it’d only been a little while, but the trailer no longer felt like home.
I kept my head down and avoided the few lights that would make my presence known. I didn’t really have a plan once I got there. Didn’t really think I’d do anything other than look in the window to confirm she was alive and Oscar hadn’t gone insane and hurt her.
But when I made the final turn, the trailer was completely dark. I walked softly, avoiding making any extra noise to announce my presence. It wasn’t too late, but they could be asleep inside. I looked inside the best I could through the dirty windows, finding everything dark and no one passed out on the couches. Moving to lean back against the trailer, I rolled my lips between my teeth and thought about what to do. The wind blew and I shoved my cold hands into my pockets, one connecting with the large rectangular phone.