He cringes and I hate how bitchy that sounded, but what the hell? My feelings are hurt and my inner bitch is clawing her way out.
I sit and wait expectantly, wondering what the hell he thinks he could say right now to make the situation better. Maybe an apology? Maybe beg on his knees for my forgiveness? I doubt either of those bullshit ideas would be enough as neither of them are going to change the fact that he’s going to be Monica’s baby daddy.
All I know is that after talking to Tully, I might have been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t playing me. Maybe the feelings were real and they’ve just been ruined by Monica’s horny ovaries. Either way, what we had is gone now. I don’t see myself being someone’s stepmom at seventeen.
This guy is about to become a father. Whether he likes it or not, his life is about to change in a big way and call me mean-hearted, but I’m not signing myself up for that shit, especially after only knowing him a week. Besides, I think my dad would kill me.
Noah lets out a sigh and moves forward to lean against the frame at the foot of my bed. I can tell he’s preparing for something, but whatever it is, he’s struggling to get the words out.
“What is it?” I question, unable to handle the suspense.
Noah swallows before standing a little taller. “I have to be with her.” Fuck. I wasn’t expecting that. “I’m sorry, but I have to do the right thing.”
I resist telling him that the right thing to do would have been to use protection, but I have a sneaky suspicion that comment isn’t going to go down well, especially now that she’s already knocked up. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I tell him. “It’s not like we were together.”
“Come on,” he says. “You know that’s not exactly true.”
I shrug my shoulder and press my lips into a disappointed line. “It’s easier to believe that than to admit I let you close enough to hurt me.”
He hangs his head and is quiet for a moment as I begin to curl in on myself, wishing this torture would just end. “I never meant for you to get hurt,” he whispers. “Believe me, that’s the last thing I ever wanted and if I could take it back, I would… but all this happened before you and me. If I’d have known…”
“What?” I question. “If you’d have known you never would have driven me home that day? Oh wait, you only drove me home to fuck with your knocked up baby Mumma.”
“That’s not fair.”
I shoot up to my feet. “You really want to talk to me about what’s not fair?” I scoff with unshed tears in my eyes. “You were basically handing me everything on a silver fucking platter. You made me like you. You made me feel something for the first time in forever and just when I thought it was ok to let you in, this shit happens?” I cry. “You walk through my door and here I am, thinking you’re here to tell me you’ve got it all wrong or to start apologizing for today, but instead you come to tell me you have to ‘do the right thing’ and be with her? What does that even mean? Do the right thing? How does doing the right thing have anything to do with being with her?”
“This is my kid,” he shoots back at me. “I don’t know about you, but I was raised with the beliefs that a father is there for his kid. It’s fucking morals, Henley.”
“Morals?” I scoff. “You’ve got this all fucked up. Do you really think being with someone you don’t love for the sake of a kid is great morals? Do you think teaching a kid that it’s ok to be in an unhappy relationship is great morals? Sure, go and be a great father, but don’t claim you’re with her because of your fucking incredible morals.”
I walk over to my bedroom door and wait there impatiently. “We’re done here,” I tell him. “Congratulations, you really are going to be a great dad, but as for you and me, this is where it ends.”
There’s only one way to describe the look on his face and it’s devastation in its purest form which has the power to complete gut me.
Noah walks over to me and stops right in front of me before he curls his hand around the back of my neck and tilts my head up to meet his. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs before gently pressing his lips to mine.
I can’t help but kiss him back. It’s like some kind of devastating goodbye and when he pulls back all too soon and walks out my door, I’m left gasping for breath.