More. Silence.
Silence so thick it chokes the breath out of the room.
Finally, Blaze cleared his throat. “I’ve never told anyone that. Any of it. You’re the only person who knows. I guess you can do with that what you will, but I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t spread it around.”
Her head whipped around and her eyes were dark pools of sorrow. He wished he could take it back. The stupidity of the fissures and all those hairline cracks busting wide open. He should have shut his mouth and glued himself back together, not busted wide open. He’d known Colette for all of two and a half seconds and she didn’t even like him. Why the hell had he blurted out the one truth he’d vowed never to share with anyone?
He’d never met anyone that he wanted to be open and vulnerable with and then- then it just kind of happened.
“Blaze….” The way she said his name, so very sad, broke the already shattered pieces of him into something close to pulverized dust. “Why would I tell anyone? I would never- I- someone hurt you. Someone who should have loved you and cared for you. I- that’s not- it’s not okay. Wishing he would stop, wishing for someone to be dead in abstract- which was probably something you didn’t even mean- you were young and- well- it doesn’t make you a murderer. You need to let go of that guilt. Giving yourself a new name and trying to bury it doesn’t make it any better. It just lets it fester until it poisons all of you.”
“It’s a little late for that. I’m already ruined.”
“That’s why- you never want to get close to anyone.”
Fucking bingo. He gave his head a shake. “Right, well, I’ll get that contract and we can light it on fire in the trashcan and then you can leave.”
Tears glistened in Colette’s eyes and he hated himself more when he saw them. She finally blinked and they trickled down her cheeks. When she slid from the stool, he didn’t move. His fingers curled on the countertop near his untouched mug.
She touched his hand first. She was warm. So blissfully warm and alive and why the hell had he ever thought that he was good enough to so much as lick dirt off her boots?
Her hand continued up his arm, skirting the gauze, up to his jaw. She cupped his face, gently before she unfurled her hand and slowly traced his bottom lip with her index finger. Her heat bled into him and it was all he could do not to lean into her touch.
“You don’t deserve this,” she whispered sadly. “What you’re doing to yourself. You don’t have to be lonely. You’re not broken. You- you’re worth so much more than how you treat yourself.”
She leaned in, her sweet, lush body pressed up against his, but for once, he didn’t have a raging hard on. This wasn’t about sex. It was about the one thing he never did. Connection. His chest felt like it was going to cave in, which made sense, given that his heart was a vortex and his stomach was a cramped-up mess of painful knots.
He froze when she kissed him gently, her lips hovering over his so that her warm breath tickled his chin. She looked at him. Looked at him and really saw him, and she didn’t flinch away.
He let out a low, mirthless chuckle and watched as confusion flickered over her beautiful features. “Stop. This wouldn’t be anything but a pity fuck and I don’t need that and you deserve something better for your first time.”
Colette backed away, her lips trembling. “You’re being cruel,” she shot back at him, and she wasn’t wrong. “You’re being an asshole, just because you finally decided to let someone in, and you’re scared and it hurts and you can’t deal with any of that shit.”
“Says the girl with absolutely zero experience.”
“I might not have any real sexual experience, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to feel things. How to love. That I don’t know what pain feels like.”
“No? Well, if that doesn’t want to make you leave, maybe this will. Your app didn’t get the most sales. I fudged the sheets. Gave someone in accounting a big fucking bonus to keep their mouth shut about it and let me handle the competition. I saw you and I wanted you. I wanted to fuck you and I was willing to do anything to get to you.”
Colette sucked in a harsh breath and wobbled back a step. Her hand flew to her mouth like her lips were burning from that kiss she’d just given him. Yes, she was finding out the hard way that he truly was toxic. He was a soulless bastard through and fucking through.
“Why- why would you say that? You’re lying!”