CHAPTER 24
Teela
Honestly, Teela thought the next time she’d see Ross would be at the lawyer’s office after she had the baby. Not because she wanted money, but because she wanted to solidify a visitation schedule. She knew how excited his parents were for their grandchild and even though her own parents weren’t talking to her yet, she knew they’d come around. She almost missed out on the opportunity of knowing Ross and his family at all, and she wanted both sets of grandparents to know their grandchild.
It was a bit of a surprise to find that Ross was indeed real. That it wasn’t just some crazy hallucination that he’d hollered out how sorry he was to the entire neighborhood. She wished she could pinch him to make sure he was real, but she was pretty sure that wasn’t how that worked, and while Ross might be rich, he wasn’t into inventing clones or holograms of himself to deliver a message.
“I’m-”
“Sorry. I know.” Teela crossed her arms. Ross leaned a little harder against the front door, like he needed it there to hold him up. “I get it. But how can we do this, any kind of relationship, if you keep waiting for me to screw up? I feel like I’ll be walking on eggshells or something. Like every time I need anything, you’ll think I’m just trying to scam money out of you.”
“No, I won’t-”
“Seriously? Because this is the second time in like under a month we’re having this conversation.”
“I won’t bring it up again.”
“But you might think it and that’s just as bad.”
“No- Teela, I-”
“I think it’s a good thing, what you said, about maybe going to get some counselling or something. I’ve never thought about it for myself, but maybe I should as well. I’ll admit that I have some hang ups from the way people treated me in the past. Or the way I let them treat me. It hurts, Ross, to find out you’re not enough for someone or they thought being with you was a mistake, or they found someone else, someone better, or maybe there is no reason and things just don’t work out, but it still makes you feel like you’re seriously lacking in some department and pretty soon you start believing it. At least I did.”
“Teela…”
“No. Wait. I want to finish. All of that- that’s the reason I wanted to have a baby by myself. Nothing else. I didn’t know it was your sample. I didn’t even know who you were. I couldn’t afford to do the process, so Amy- uh- sped things along. She might have known at the time, but I didn’t. I had no idea that she was trying to look out for me in the only way she really could. It was misguided, but I love her and she loves me. We’re like sisters, so I can’t really stay mad at her. What she said though, was not what I thought or did or what I think now or would ever do. If we’re going to have a shot at that, I need you to know it. I need you to not doubt it.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Ross said slowly. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I have some baggage. We all do. You wanted to have a baby alone because men treated you like garbage. I’d like to find every single one of those bastards and kick their ass, but I’m not sure that’s going to make anything better. I have issues with how women treated me. They didn’t see me. Ever. I was just this thing to be used and chewed up and spat out when they got what they wanted. I fell for it a few times, and you’re right, it does hurt. More than anything.”
“Well…” Maybe she was promising too much. Maybe she was hoping too much, but she’d missed Ross. Teela never had believed in that soul mates crap, well, not after being dumped a few times, at any rate, then she met Ross. She wanted to believe in crap with Ross. She wanted to be mushy and quick to forgive and able to trust. She wanted him to be able to do the same for her. “Maybe we can promise that we won’t fuck each other over and mean it. Maybe we can somehow find enough trust to start over. If we work on things, who knows. Maybe we won’t end up hating each other.”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you. You’re a good person. One of the best I’ve ever met. Our baby will have a good mom. The best mom.”
“Now you’re just trying to flatter me again.”
“I was happy with you, Teela,” Ross admitted in that dark, husky tone of his. “Probably happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever.”