The internal war is waning, but war leaves casualties, and I know she’s taking record of everything she’s lost and what’s left of the woman she once was. I watch as she swallows, her chest rising higher and her breathing quickening.
She’s so close to submitting everything to me. So, fucking close.
She doesn’t even see it.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever,” I tell her as I pull my shirt over my head, grabbing it by the back of the collar.
I kick off my pants and ready myself to join her in bed, wondering if she’ll tense when I wrap my arms around her. It’s only fair that it guts me every night when she does it. I’m more than certain I deserve a harsher punishment.
“Do you know Addison spoke to me today?” she asks me with an edge of anxiousness rather than acknowledging what I’ve said. She doesn’t seem to have taken my confession in the den earlier to heart, but she’s more guarded now than she was before. Maybe she doesn’t remember, but I thought it would change something between us. For the better.
My lips twitch with the hint of a feigned smile. “I do,” I tell her, and she finally looks at me with a pleading expression.
“And?” she asks with clear curiosity but the desperation weighing heavier.
“And what?” I ask her as if I can’t comprehend her line of questioning. Addison knows who I am, and I agree this situation is less than moral, but if she were to learn the truth, she would still love my brother. She’d still be family. She’ll forgive me. Daniel’s sins have been substantial, and she’s forgiven him, mostly.
“Are you going to let me go?”
Her bottom lip wavers, but she waits patiently as I drop my hand to hers, thinking carefully about my next words.
“You’ll like Addison,” I tell her genuinely. “I won’t stop you, and I won’t be there to control you; I don’t have any interest in it either.”
“So, you don’t care?” she questions.
“I care, but not in the way you think. Why would I want to stop you two from getting to know one another?” I ask her and then add, “My brother won’t either. You two should get to know each other.” I don’t let on how anxious I am to hear what she tells Addison and whether or not she confides in her.
“I could tell her you’re holding me hostage, that you trapped me in a cell for weeks…” she answers me with a cocked brow although she can’t hide the sadness that still lingers in her expression. I can see so clearly that the very idea of how we became what we are now, tortures her.
“Would you really want to bring her into this?” I ask her pointedly. “She’s having a hard time, and you and I both know she wouldn’t react well to that.”
“What if I say something I shouldn’t?” she whispers quietly with genuine concern. I watch as she picks at the blanket, clearly on edge with the prospect of saying something that would cause more problems for our already delicate situation.
“Don’t,” is the only answer I have for her. “Be careful with what you say.”
The silence stretches for a moment and I consider her.
“Maybe it’s best you forget all this for a moment, and just talk to her as you would have anyone else a month ago.”
I have to be so delicate with her. Ever so delicate. She doesn’t answer, although the careful tiptoeing around her words slips away as she adjusts under the covers.
“We have other matters to discuss,” I tell her as my thumb runs along the stubble of my jaw.
Although she nods, a heavy sigh leaves her in a staggering way, the sleep showing in her expression. She’s overwhelmed and exhausted. Neither of us slept last night. Even after crying half the night, she woke every hour.
“What happened yesterday can’t happen again. You have a choice. You can take your punishment now, or you can have it after your date with Addison.”
Her body tenses and she struggles to form words, her lips parting and strangled breaths taking the place of whatever her question is.
“You won’t be sending me back to the cell then?” she finally asks, her voice as strained as her body is stiff.
“That wouldn’t do you any good.” I wrap my arm around her, comforting her and leave a small kiss on the crown of her head. I whisper, “I told you, you shouldn’t be left alone. This punishment is to benefit us. I promise you that,” I tell her and feel the weight of everything looming in my thoughts.
I can see her swallowing her words. Practically reading her mind, I can see how she wants to tell me that we would be better if I would let this war go or let her go, but she doesn’t dare speak it.