Chapter 14
Carter
Somehow, I fucked up.
She’s the one who was supposed to change when I gave her the knife.
She’s the one who should need me.
Not the other way around.
I can’t shake last night or the knowledge that every day Aria seeps deeper into my blood and every thought that I have.
I’m consumed by her. I can’t deny it. She brings out a side of me that should have stayed dead.
“Are you listening?” Daniel asks me, tearing my eyes away from the drawing Aria made yesterday.
He looks as worn out as I feel. It’s because of Addison. She’s not okay being back here. She didn’t realize what this family became after she left. Time changes everything, but she didn’t know. She couldn’t have. And this lockdown leaves us nowhere to hide.
“She needs more than this. She’s not handling the transition well. She needs… she needs to not feel trapped.” Daniel hunches over in his chair, both hands on the back of his head, his elbows on his knees. When he looks up at me, I feel like I truly am the monster Aria calls me for putting him through this. For putting both of them through this. With tears in his eyes, he tells me, “I’m losing her. I don’t want this for her.”
“You’re protecting her,” I remind him. She’s the one they went after and tried to kidnap, to kill, to do whatever they wanted with. She may have been safe if he’d never chased her. If they hadn’t realized he loved her. But you can’t change the past.
“She doesn’t care,” he tells me as he swipes his eyes with the heel of his palm, hiding his pain with a look of anger and annoyance I know is just a ruse. “She thought at first I was overreacting. That it was all in my head and over the incident at her place.” He shakes his head silently before looking me in the eyes. “She said I was being ridiculous. She had no idea. So, I had to tell her.”
“You told her what?” I ask him, just now realizing he’s told her more than she needs to know.
“That men are going to die, and those men want us dead first. I told her we’re at war. She still wants out. She doesn’t like this. And I don’t like keeping her here against her will.”
My voice feels tense and catches in my throat watching him in pain over this.
“She didn’t agree to this. This wasn’t what it was like when we were kids. She had no idea, and I brought her back blindly. I was selfish.” His words are laced with regret. The last sentence comes out in a harsh whisper. “So fucking selfish.” The pain radiates off of him. “I can’t lose her again.”
“You can’t risk her safety either,” I reply and I’m firmer with him than I usually am. We’re at war, and Talvery and his men will attack us the moment they can. “If I were them,” I tell Daniel, “I’d be waiting and any chance I could take to strike first, I’d take it.”
“I know,” he murmurs and hangs his head. “They know they’re dead men; they have nothing to lose. And they’d kill her just because I love her.”
“It’ll all be over soon,” I say to try to offer him comfort as he rests his elbows back on his knees and steeples his fingers, keeping them against his lips.
“I don’t know if she’ll still love me then,” he whispers his pain.
“I know what you mean.” The words slip out and I can’t stop them. Daniel’s eyes hold a question, but he takes a moment to ask it. Waiting and stretching the silence.
“Have you thought for a moment, that maybe keeping her locked up is putting her more at risk? There’s only so much you can control for someone until it turns on you.”
“What choice do I have?” I retort, and his gaze moves to the floor again. “We’re all prisoners of war,” I remind him. “But it will be over soon.”
“When it’s done with… she’ll stay? Aria will stay with you?” he questions me.
I search his face for the intention, why he would even consider her leaving.
“She won’t hold it against you?” he asks me as if knowing what I needed to hear him say in order to answer.
“I don’t know. She’s mine. And she’ll stay with me. Forgiveness will come.”
He starts to say something, readjusting his footing but then he shakes his head.
“I came in to tell you something else, although I’m not sure you want to hear it,” he tells me and straightens in his chair.
I gesture for him to go on. Although, I don’t know why I’m in a rush. I’ve barely spoken to Aria this morning and I’m not sure I’m ready to, not after last night.