“We’re letting Romano-”
“Fuck Romano!” I slam the back of my clenched hand against my chair, needing to feel something other than this pain that’s creeping inside of me. Needing to do something other than wait.
“We can’t do both, Carter.” Jase’s voice is calm, but full of reason. He doesn’t move from where he is, but his eyes watch me with increased interest. “We can’t guard the estate and also attack Talvery’s.” He finally moves, backing away from the chair although his hands still grip it. “You can’t have it both ways.”
Time marches on as I consider my brother. The one thing he’s always had is an opinion. Constant fucking ideas. Constant pushing. Yet as I lean forward, breathing in to steady myself, he’s quiet. He’s not pushing either way.
“What would you do?” I ask him, not looking at him, but instead staring at the closed door behind him.
“I can’t answer that,” he tells me and I fucking hate him for leaving me with nothing. The back of my jaw clenches as I peer down at the screen. She’s at the gate.
She’s leaving me.
It was never supposed to be me.
Her words from last night, words that wrecked me and caused all of this shit. Those words come back and as I watch her, I believe her.
“She told me,” I swallow before finishing my thought, questioning telling Jase any of this but deciding I need to tell someone, “She told me it wasn’t her all those years ago.”
It takes Jase a moment before his expression registers what I’m talking about. He knows about that night. As well as Declan and Daniel, Sebastian too. That night changed everything. For her to deny being a part of it… I can’t fucking stand it.
“Who else could it have been?”
“No one.” My answer is immediate and unforgiving, joined with a similar pain in my throat as it tightens. My eyes close as I think to myself, how would I know? How could I possibly know if another woman was there?
“Carter,” Jase’s voice cuts off the memory of that night. “What happened to her shoulder?”
“I cuffed her to the bed. Well, she did, because I told her to.” Jase doesn’t waver as I lick my lower lip, hiding the shame. “I told her she could stay there until it was over.” My eyes lift and I find his as I explain, “And then she ripped her arm away until it dislocated and I uncuffed her, but she…” I can’t even finish.
“She did it to herself?”
“Physically… yes.” It feels like a lie on my tongue. I’m the reason it happened. It’s my fault.
Jase’s nod of understanding is short and then he peers past me to the window. “Well, that explains why she ran.”
“She’ll always run,” I tell him as the knowing defeat gets the better of me.
“Stop lying to yourself.” Jase’s calm voice catches me off guard. “You love her. I know it. And she loves you. Don’t let anything come between you.”
Love isn’t always enough, I think, but I don’t say it out loud. Instead my gaze turns to the floor in front of my desk, last night still reeling in my mind. The image of her lying there comes and goes with the blinking of my eyes. “You need to help me keep her safe.” I don’t know how I even speak. My body is stiff and my limbs are frozen.
“You’re scaring me with the way you’ve been today.” Again Jase’s feet and posture shift, but his grip remains stiff, keeping him where he is.
I look back to the sofa while I tell him the one thing that’s responsible for how I’ve been today, “I don’t want her to die.”
“It’s not going to happen.” Jase’s answer is nothing but confident. I wish last night hadn’t stolen that same certainty from me. I almost tell him about the nightmare. About how real it was, and how it’s fucking with me.
“Whatever’s gotten into your head,” he starts to say, the concern etched in Jase’s words making me look back to him as he finishes his thought, “get it out.”
“I just didn’t sleep well.” I give him a half truth.
“Well tell Aria you love her, fuck her until she forgets why she’s angry and sleep. Both of you need to sleep.”
“Is that all I need to do?” I question him to lighten the tension, but it does just the opposite.
“You can start with showing her more respect than you have in the past. More love. Tell her you love her.”
“She’s not leaving because I don’t say it back to her.” I scoff at his suggestion.
“I think that’s exactly why she’s leaving. That, and the fact that you told her what to do.” His words register one by one. “I think she would let you destroy everything in her world but you, so long as you showed her how much you loved her and told her often.”