I still think she can do better than me, but I want her for myself. I don’t want her to do better with someone else.
It feels like I should come clean and tell her the real reason why we broke up, but I don’t think I can bring myself to talk about it yet.
Maybe I won’t have to. Maybe I can push it to the back of my mind.
If this is a clean slate, then we start off fresh and I won’t have to conjure up memories I don’t want.
I reach for her, and she smiles wider.
We kiss, and it feels like we’ve renewed the promise to try.
I know I have, and I can’t wait to get lost in those fantasies with her.
* * *
“You lucky bastard, look at you,” James says with a wild smirk as I walk up to him. He’s in his garage doing up his old motorcycle. “Was starting to wonder if I was ever going to see you again.”
I thought I owed him a visit. I haven’t seen him since the other day. He’s probably dying to know what’s going on.
“Sorry, man, I was preoccupied,” I say as if I’m not preoccupied with Jia in my thoughts as we speak.
We were at The Dark Odyssey all day yesterday and stayed overnight. We didn’t leave that room.
We made ourselves leave this morning because of work.
The plan is to go back there tonight. I can’t wait to see her.
James grins and stares at me. “I’m guessing it worked, then.”
“Yeah. It did.” He knows about my offer, thought I’d gone crazy for even thinking about it, and was intrigued to know if it would work.
“What now?”
“I try not to blow it and mess things up.”
He smiles and grabs the rag from the worktop to wipe the grease off his hands. “Well, it looks like you got it under control. But tell me… if it all works out, won’t you always wonder if she cared more about the building than you?”
I smile back at him feeling prepped to inform him that I don’t have to worry about that. “We talked yesterday, and she told me it wasn’t about the building,” I say, and he looks impressed.
“Shit, wow, that’s good. So, it’s about the chance, then?”
“Yeah. She’s giving me a second chance. I won’t mess up this time.”
“I believe you. I do. Have you thought about what happens after the thirty days? You guys aren’t stepsiblings anymore, and if you’re as serious as you look about her, you’re going to have to come out of the fantasy.”
He means we can’t be secret. “I know. I plan to talk to Ethan. After though. I just want to focus on one thing at a time. Then make the next move.”
I’ve thought of Ethan, and I’ll prep myself just like I did before. I was going to tell him first before I asked Jia to marry me. I wanted it to be a clear path for us with no worries, no matter what Ethan said. I don’t know what he’ll say now. I hope he won’t be mad that I was seeing her behind his back.
Mostly, I hope he won’t use my father’s sins against me and want better for his daughter. It’s a risk I’m going to have to take.
“Good, I’m glad. At least one of us has his shit together.” He nods, and I get the feeling something’s going on with him.
I chuckle. “I’m glad I got my shit together, but you know that remark’s an invite for me to ask you what’s up, right?”
He runs a hand through his thick dark hair and winces. “Man, I seem to keep landing myself in shit at the college. First, I had to fight Kevin, that fucking asshole, to get the position because he thought I was too young to be a professor. Now I have bigger problems.”
It sounds serious. “Like what?”