“Don’t. I don’t want you to worry. Look, last night was a big mistake. I never wanted you to see me like that.” I’ve said that before. I can’t remember when, but in saying it again, I want it to register in her mind that I’m not always the monster I looked like last night.
“I know.”
“You know I had to kill him…right?”
Her breath hitches. “Yes. I know.”
I can’t say I didn’t mean to kill him and it was mere self-defense because it wasn’t and she’s not stupid.
“Why don’t you let me finish up here and get Mia to sleep?” I only say that because I can’t think of anything else. Spending time with Mia was the plan anyway. “You go and rest. Unless… well, you can stay with us if you want to.”
She holds my gaze. No matter what happened last night, she knows what staying anywhere near me will lead to.
There’s a twinkle in her eyes, but it’s gone just as quickly as it appeared.
“If it’s okay, I’ll take you up on the offer to rest. Estelle is making hot chocolate in the kitchen. I’m sure you’d like to spend her last night together.”
I dip my head and give her a smile I don’t feel. “Yes, and of course it’s okay to go rest.”
“Well, good night, then. I’ll see you at some point tomorrow.”
“Sure.”
She walks away, but I feel like I can’t leave things like this. Something has shifted between us, and I’m eager to get back to where we were.
Wanting this woman is probably the worst thing I could do for myself, and pursing her is even worse, but like everything else I do when I want something, I go after it.
“Lucia,” I call to her before she reaches the door.
She stops and turns to face me.
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
Her face brightens a little. “Nothing. I wasn’t going to do anything.”
“Do you want to spend the day with Mia and me? I was thinking of going to the beach after Estelle leaves in the morning.”
I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking of anything, and not something like that when Carlos’ death has left a hole in my heart. However, maybe that’s what I need.
The look on her face is worth the idea. She gives me a full smile and nods.
“Splash, splash,” Mia chortles, clapping. That’s what she calls the beach and the pool.
“Yes, baby girl, splash, splash.” I chuckle, and she gives me a wide smile with her little teeth on show.
When I return my focus to Lucia, I feel more at ease to see her looking more like herself.
“That would be great. I’d love to join you two.”
“Good. Then we’ll see you tomorrow.”
She smiles, and as she leaves, all I can hope for is better days.