It’s understandable. Maksim is an extension of me. He could be and would be Pakhan if anything happens to me. So the expectation of the same respect is there and no one talks that kind of shit to him.
“Why the fuck are you going to see her, Aiden?” he demands.
“She gave Jude money, I want to know why the wife of a Syndicate member was giving that bastard money.”
“Money. Is that all?”
He knows I’m not telling him everything. Now more than ever I need to be careful.
“Yes.”
“I thought we agreed to never lie to each other. It would appear that is one sided.”
“You fucking watch your tone with me, and remember your place.”
“I am. It’s you who isn’t remembering yours. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”
“I choose to tell you what I want, so don’t question my actions.” I raise my voice and he squints with his nostrils flared like he’s ready to hand me my ass.
“Permission to speak freely to you as brothers, Pakhan.”
Brothers.I want to tell him he’s not my brother but the use of that word reaches something inside me that still doesn’t want the traitor to be him.
Maksim is like Viktor and that’s truth I can’t refute even if I can’t trust myself to believe what he tells me.
I sigh and only decide to grant his request for the sentiment.
“Granted.”
“You still think it was me who betrayed you. I didn’t. I didn’t fucking do it. I told you the other day I’d take the same bullet for you my father took for yours. That is the extent of my loyalty to you.”
“You wouldn’t tell me otherwise would you? We were born in the Bratva and we both know what loyalty means. Get a man to trust you and you practically own his life.”
“I’m not just a fucking man Aiden. We’re family. You and me are the only family left. I did not betray you.”
“You and Ilya were the only two of my men who knew the passwords to get on to my property.”
“I agree, we were exactly that, but I swear to you cousin I didn’t do it. I speak for myself and I cast no blame toward Ilya in doing so, but I swear to you it wasn’t me. I still don’t expect you to believe me, and I can only hope this journey we’re on proves my innocence. But what I don’t want is you keeping shit from me because you think I’m working with the other side.”
I stare back at him understanding, but sticking to my decision.
“I will tell you what you need to know when the time is right.”
He tenses and his hands ball into fists at his side. “It’s one more thing to do with her isn’t it?”
“Maksim drop it.”
“Yeah I think I will because you obviously will never trust me. The other night I know I crossed some line with you when I suggested you kill her. I apologize. I just hope you aren’t blinded too much by love that you can’t see straight. I don’t want you to lose everything, including your life.”
He turns around and walks away, leaving me standing there with his words burning my ears.
Love…
Am I so transparent that everyone else can see through me?
If anybody knows me it’s him.
He’ll also know what it means for my dark soul to have allowed the curse of love to haunt me.
Maybe he’ll know too that I don’t want love.
It’s the only thing that scares me.
The last time I let love in and lost it, it destroyed me and I’m still broken.