It’s my fault I feel anything, and part of the same thing that’s wrong with me.
I’m not even sure what the hell to make of how aroused I got when he spanked me. It doesn’t even make sense. All I could feel as his hand connected with my ass was his cock getting harder and pushing into my belly. I’m embarrassed to admit there was something arousing about the combination of feeling him so hard, and the pain he inflicted as he spanked me.
Considering all I went through with Jude, I shouldn’t have felt that.
Then again, maybe it was because there was nothing Jude did to me that aroused me. My pain was his pleasure, my helplessness and vulnerability were his enjoyment.
Last night was not that.
The slight shuffle of footsteps has me turning to face Irina. She’s standing by the bed with a tray of food.
The aroma of the muffins and croissants on the tray has my stomach rumbling, and the warm smile on her face does something to calm me.
“Good morning,” she says.
“Good morning.”
“I made this for you today. Do you think you could try and eat it?”
I gaze at her, and see the worry brimming in her eyes. I recall last night’s fiasco and how it must have started.
She came in here before she left for the day and saw the food over in the corner untouched. She must have told Aiden I still wasn’t eating.
I can’t blame her; she was just doing her job and I’m sure she doesn’t want to get in trouble with Aiden.
I should probably stop refusing food too if I ever hope to have the strength to leave here.
When I nod her eyes crinkle.
“Good,” she says. “The sugar will replenish your energy levels and the casserole I’m preparing for lunch should help you regain some color in your cheeks.”
“Thanks.”
“Wonderful.” She sets down the tray on the nightstand.
I sit up and wince when a jolt of pain hits me coming straight from my ass, a fucking reminder of last night and the way Aiden punished me.
The pain is nearly the same as the soreness in my core, a testament of how hard he took me.
“Are you okay?” Irina asks.
“Yes. I’m fine.” I blow out a ragged breath and straighten up. I glance at the clock and see it’s ten. I went to bed just after midnight so at least I’ve had a good sleep. “Where is Aiden?”
I doubt she’ll tell me. She’s never given me a straight answer for anything.
It’s a question I probably shouldn’t be asking because I don’t know if I should see him or if it’s better to keep my distance, but I just want to know.
“He is working away today,” she replies. “Mr. Romanov has allowed you a few more hours outside though.”
Interesting… he’s given me more freedom. I hope he doesn’t tell me some damn shit like last night earned me more sunlight.
“Thank you. I’d like to eat this and go outside if I may. Is there possibly a notebook I could have for myself and a pen.”
“Of course. I can get that for you.”
She leaves and I look around the room remembering the mess the place was last night. I’d cleaned up as much as I could, placing the food in the waste bin, she must have done the rest.
Last night I know I went crazy in more ways than one.