“Um…I still don’t know what to say,” I said. I don’t believe I’ve ever been at such a loss for words. He was right that surrogacy was a legitimate thing, and I had even been so hard up for money that looking into it had crossed my mind. I’d never got around to looking into it, or maybe I didn’t look into it on purpose because I didn’t think I could do it…
“Just tell me you’ll go on a date or two with me, give it the week and think about it. That will also give you time to research it. I know that I’m asking you to use your body here, and it would never be the same after, so you should do some research on that too.” He was looking at me with those deep, sexy eyes…what else could I do? I agreed to think about it for the week. As far as dating him, I told him we’d play that by ear.
After our “date,” I wanted to take a cab home, badly. I really didn’t want Aiden’s twenty foot limousine to drop me off in front of my crappy little apartment. My neighborhood wasn’t terrible, but it was definitely working class, and my apartment complex was definitely of the low rent variety. He insisted, however and it was getting more evident that this man hated the word, “No.”
I gave the driver directions and I said a little prayer that Mom was inside and not out for her nightly cigarette when we got there. She was staying with me for a few days while the plumbing was being worked on at hers. When we pulled up the complex was quiet. No sign of Mom or anyone else. Aiden wanted to walk me to the door and I drew the line there.
“I’m fine, really,” I told him. “I do this all the time.” He relented on that one but stood at the door of the car and watched until I got to the bottom of the stairs that led up to my apartment. I waved at him and he waved back. As I slipped in my front door, he was still watching.
“Holly? Is that you?” I heard my mother’s voice as soon as I walked in but I couldn’t see her. The apartment was completely dark. I reached over and flipped on the light. She was lying on the couch and when the light came on she threw her skinny arm across her eyes and said, “That’s too bright!”
“You shouldn’t be sitting here in the dark, Mom. What are you doing?”
“I’m just resting, I’m really tired today for some reason.” Maybe because you stayed up all night last night with your friend, Vodka, I thought, but I didn’t want to fight with her tonight, so I didn’t say it aloud. I didn’t even know it for a fact. I was asleep before she was, but she could have just been watching TV.
“Well go ahead and rest,” I told her. “You can go home tomorrow, right?”
“Holly,” she said in that tone she used when I knew she was going to ask me for something that I couldn’t afford.
“What, Mom?”
“I know I told you that I needed to stay here for a couple of days so my neighbor can work on the plumbing…”
“But?” I asked. I had already figured her story was baloney, they usually always all are. Plus, she still lives next door to, “Grandpa,” who was really up in years now. I had a hard time picturing him taking apart pipes. I just hadn’t had the energy to discover what the truth was this time.
“But…my electricity’s been off for…a while and my water too.”
I dropped down in the chair across from her and asked, “How did that happen, Mom? I paid those bills.”
“Well, you gave me the checks and I planned on paying them…but I must have forgotten. You know how bad my memory has gotten….”
“What did you do with the checks, Mom?” It was one of those questions I didn’t really want to know the answer too.
“I must have misplaced them,” she said. I shook my head. I wasn’t sure if her alcohol soaked brain really didn’t work anymore, or if she thought I was stupid. I knew she was lying to me though. She wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Oh good then, I’ll just cancel those checks and I’ll go down and write new checks to the electric and water company when I get off work tomorrow.”
“Oh, you mean call the bank?” Now she was nervous. I’d had enough of this game and her pathetic attempt to hide the fact she was once again stealing my hard-earned money. My father left her a house, I paid all the rest of her bills except for a couple hundred dollars in food stamps she got from welfare every month and I give her a small allowance. Yet, she still steals from me every chance she gets. I usually go directly in to pay her utility bills because there was no way I was going to trust her with cash, but I hadn’t had time to get down there this month. I thought it would be okay as long as I didn’t give her cash…obviously I was wrong.
“How did you manage to cash them?” I asked her. “They were made out specifically for those bills.”
“Honey…maybe I lost them and someone else got ahold of them and cashed them.”
“Stop it!” I yelled at her. I didn’t usually. I wasn’t a yeller, most of the time I was just a big pushover and that’s why my own mother as well as others sometimes took advantage of me. But, she just told me that two bills I thought were already paid this month weren’t. Setting aside the fact that she just lied to me, changed the payable to on the checks and spent every penny on alcohol, I would have still been pissed. “When are you ever going to realize that you’re wasting your life? You’re wasting my life…you’re killing yourself and you’re killing me in the process.”
“Holly, I’m sorry, honey. I’m going to try harder…” If I had a dollar for every time I heard that in my life, I’d be richer than Aiden Scott. I thought about Aiden and I wondered if he would still want me to mother his child if he knew about my mother. Alcoholism has a big genetic component to it, a big reason why I don’t drink very much, and why I am always careful not to have too many.
“How did you cash them?” I asked her again in a calmer voice. It didn’t really matter now, but I wanted her to have to at least be accountable for admitting what she did.
“Ronnie at the Liquor King cashed ‘em for me. I changed who it was made out to. I drew a single line through it and put your initials. I’m sorry, baby.”
“I’m going to bed,” I told her. On the note my mother had just admitted to theft and fraud.
“I can borrow the money from Benny, to pay the bills. You won’t have to pay them. I’ll go see him tomorrow.” Benny was my Mom’s brother and he’d gotten over her and all of this drama a long time ago. He rarely even called or came to see her any longer and he only lived about ten miles away. He wasn’t going to lend her a dime. He was like me, he’d been taken enough to know that if he gave her money it would all go into a bottle.
“I’ll take care of them,” I told her. “Don’t bother Uncle Benny with it.” I stood up to head in the direction of my bedroom.
“Good night, Holly. I love you.” I wish I didn’t feel like there was a knife sticking out of my chest every time she said that.
“Good night mother,” I said, wearily. I didn’t say it back, I just couldn’t at that moment.
***