He smirks and runs a hand through his spiky blond hair. “Can’t say no to me forever baby. I’ll give you credit for trying though.” With a wink he saunters away.
His departure leaves her visibly relieved. She looks less tense and more relaxed. I straighten up when she turns to me, and try to steady my emotions as she makes her way over.
I’m not supposed to engage in too much conversation with her. Five minutes tops, that’s all I allow myself these days. Months ago no week would pass without me seeing her at least once or twice. We’d have dinner, see a movie, or just hang out. Then things changed. They had to though.
“Hi…do you want to grab some coffee?” she asks, giving me a sweet smile.
“I can’t… I have too much to do, but maybe we can catch up some other time,” I answer.
The crestfallen look on her face pulls at my heart. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know how she feels about me. What I can’t do is entertain it.
I’ve already lost enough in my attempts to be oblivious, but some people are gifted enough to see through the shit.
“It’s just coffee Dante, we could walk and drink up the stairs or across the building in between meetings.”
She’s right and now I’m the prick, but there’s a reason for that.
“I just can’t Rachel. You’d be surprised how the minutes add up. I’m busy.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You’re always busy now. It’s the same excuse whether you’re at home or at work. Dante, busy, is the answer you give when you don’t want to see a person. I thought I meant a little more to you than that.”
I only take a moment to note that she told Allen she’s busy because she doesn’t want to see him. That’s all the time I take though, a moment. What snaps me into action is the other part of what she said. It was the part that worried me when I started this distancing process. I knew it would hurt her.
“Princesa don’t be like that.” That’s what I’ve always called her. “You know I’m busy.”
“I also know when you’re lying. You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes,” she says with more emphasis and now she looks pissed. “I’m not a child anymore. You can’t just make up some excuse and I’ll believe it. But it’s okay, I’ll stop pressing, if you don’t want to see me it’s fine.”
She starts walking away and I drop the damn file on the ground. It can stay.
I go after her instead and grab her arm.
“Rachel, stop.”
“What? What are you going to tell me now?”
“Rachel… I can’t hang out with you the way I used to.” I know if I wanted to make it look more legit that I’m busy, I shouldn’t have told her that, not in that way. Now she’s obviously curious as to what I mean.
“Why? Why not?” She gazes up at me through the fringe of her thick black lashes.
When I don’t answer she shakes her head and wrenches her arm free of my grasp.
“Dante…you have a way of not seeing what’s right in front of you.”
“What? What am I supposed to see?” This is me pretending to be oblivious. This is me carrying on a charade that I have no knowledge of how she feels.
It’s a complete contrast to the moments when I catch myself staring at her and she sees me and I don’t look away. Those moments, although brief are always wild, hot and fiery with the primal sexual energy that makes me want to give in and put two fingers up at the consequences.
“Do you really not know?” she asks and her beautiful brown eyes brims with tears.
I bite down hard on my back teeth and lift my head slightly assuming that persona again.
“What don’t I know?” I ask continuing the pretense. It’s my last attempt to keep this vagueness between us. It’s safer that way.
Her gaze burrows into me. “It’s nothing. I guess it’s nothing. Or whatever it is will be nothing. One day it won’t be there. Maybe that’s better though.”