I know he’s kind of done the same thing with his friends too during our very wild whirlwind romance.
It’s been wild.
Past tense… I keep doing that and every time I do my heart aches.
I don’t want us to be past tense, but what am I really doing? What the hell am I actually doing thinking I can have more with a guy who just wanted to have fun with me. Sex. It was about sex. Sometimes it wasn’t, but it was more often than not.
“I’m trying to separate things out in my mind,” I tell her. As usual, she came to my rescue.
We’ve already had the most fattening things in here. A slice of cake for me and a sugar bun for her, then we each had another two slices each. All in the space of an hour.
I’ll have to leave soon. We’re five minutes away from work, but I can still be late with the way I’m feeling. Or not turn up. It did cross my mind, but that would be completely stupid. I would be very stupid to do that. So I can’t lose a job I worked damn hard for because I fell for a guy I shouldn’t.
“Giselle, we’ve been eating and I’ve just been here trying to resemble the friend I should be, I know I’m probably not much help but talk to me,” Rachel says.
I feel bad as I look at her. It’s clear she’s going through stuff too with Dante. He’s back now officially, and his fiancée right alongside
him.
“How about you talk to me? I know you’re going through stuff. You’ve been here for me and I feel like because of the newness of all I went through with Josh, I needed you more and I haven’t exactly been there to talk to about Dante.”
She smiles. “There’s nothing really to talk about. It’s just me in my feelings for a man I can’t have. I feel terrible whenever I’ve been with them because I just can’t shake off the thing I’ve always felt for him. There’s nothing more to say than that, and nothing I can besides forget and move on. So please allow me to be here for you.” She dips her head and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear.
“Please promise me you’ll talk to me if you need me.”
“Yes, I promise. I absolutely promise I will do that. Now come on now. Talk. I know the core details. You told me what happened, but those are just details. I know you want to be with Josh, tell me about that.”
“I don’t want to get hurt again, Rachel. I don’t want to get hurt and broken the way I was when Kirk dumped me.” I draw in a sharp breath.
“I think that was obvious. Of course you don’t. But if you allow fear to rule you, you’ll never do anything, you’ll never be with anybody. It was okay when you and Josh were fun, but even I could see for myself and I haven’t really met him properly that it stopped being about fun a long time ago.”
“But what if it was just that for me? What if it can’t be more?”
“You know what? I’m going to allow the only person who can answer that question do the talking for me,” she laughs. “Just for the record, he looks at you the same way he did that first night at the club.”
I don’t know what she’s saying to me. She looks up ahead of us and then I see him.
Josh.
He’s standing over my the door and he’s looking over at me.
I glance back at Rachel, and she nods.
“Go, I’ll be fine. Call me later.”
“Okay,” I answer and rise to my feet.
I make my way over to Josh and stop just before him. We look at each other for a few seconds and he puts out his hand to me to take mine.
I give him my hand and he leads me away.
We go to the park by the lake and sit on the bench.
It’s one we’ve come to a few times. I enjoyed making out with him and watching the scenery. The ducks swimming by and the peacefulness of the place.
We’re sitting on the bench together again and he hasn’t let go of my hand. he’s still holding it and looking down at it.
Then he looks up at me and a little smile pulls at the corners of his mouth bringing the dimple out in his left cheek.