CHAPTER EIGHT
Thaddeus
I can’t take my eyes away from the top of the stairs, where I last saw her before I heard her door slam.
Jocelyn was the robbers.
It’s such a terrible, powerful thought.
I think about how things went down with Jocelyn. Life seemed so damned beautiful for so long. She took to the lifestyle so readily, and she loved the guidance I would give her. She was enthusiastic about growing and becoming all she could be. She was eager to learn anything she could about how we could live life together. She was the one who wanted us to be Daddy and little girl twenty-four hours per day and seven days per week. She was so enthusiastic all the time, and I became a hell of a Daddy for her, because of her. Everything was going so damned well until her parents found out about the lifestyle and freaked out. I think about the excitement of planning the wedding and the way I loved her.
Loved.
Love…ed.
Past tense.
That’s a shock. I realize I don’t love Jocelyn anymore, and I never thought I would stop loving her.
She hurt me terribly when she denied our relationship out of shame she knew was misplaced in the first place. I realize I hope she’ll come back to me, or at least I did for a very long time. Only now do I realize I don’t entertain any fantasies about her showing up and admitting how wrong she was and begging me to take her back and for us to keep our relationship the way it was.
How long have I gone without those fantasies? They are a part of my life, and not having them is…
Well, it’s impossible.
But I cannot recall the last time I fantasized about her coming to her senses.
Yes I do.
When my plane landed, before Phillip picked me up at the airport. I sent her my new contact information just in case she needed to find me when she realized she still loved me and needed me. That was the last time I know for sure.
I suspect I don’t have those fantasies now because I have Candy.
Except I don’t. I don’t have Candy.
And I don’t have the fantasies either.
“Damn it all,” I say aloud as I stand up. “I really am a fucking idiot. Damn me to Hell.”
I head toward her room and take the stairs two at a time. I can’t slow down and run right to her door. I throw it open and she glares at me from where she sits at the edge of the bed. “Get fucking out!” she says.
“I’ve warned you about your language too many times, little girl, and it’s time you learn the lesson.”
She stares at me in wonder as I cross the distance to her and sit. “What are… what?”
“If you want me to be your Daddy, you’ve got me, and that means you’ve got all of me. Do you understand?”
“What?”
“You heard me, little girl,” I growl. “You heard me just fine.”
“Yes,” she says. “Yes, I heard you.”
“Now. If you want me to be your Daddy, you’ve got all of me and everything that means. Do you understand?”
She looks at me with wide eyes. There’s a beautiful combination of excitement, adoration, and fear that makes her eyes look so damned alluring. She nods.
“Use your words,” I growl.