Chapter Three
Helen
So, this is new.
I have known Leo for quite a while.
I do not know why only now I find myself thinking about him in an entirely different way. I finally notice how damned sexy the man is, how smart he is as well. As the next few days pass, I especially notice how incredible he is at diffusing situations.
We are not in a pansy-assed little nightclub.
This club is always filled with rough and tumble, salt-of-the-Earth men and women. They are good-natured people, and I love them, but they are here to have a good time. They are wild and raucous, and they drink heavy, too. Only now do I see how often Leo steps into a situation and keeps it from getting out of hand.
Oddly, thinking about how rough and tumble the club is, I feel a great deal of security and safety here. I feel safe because Leo is here. It is so strange to realize that. The feeling is familiar, though stronger than I’ve ever experienced.
I always felt safe with Daddy looking after me.
I have no Daddy right now, but damn if thoughts of Leo becoming my daddy haven’t filled me. For two days I have not worn a diaper. The cashiers at the grocery store think they’re for my niece. I usually wear one when I work because it is the only thing that gives me comfort and makes me feel secure and safe.
Not everyone in the group of littles here in the area wears a diaper.
I usually do, and when I do it is usually because I don’t have a Daddy. The diaper gets me a little closer to little space, that state of mind where I don’t have to panic and stress about every damned second that passes. The waitress uniforms here at the club have an apron that covers the front and I usually wear a sweater tied around my waist to hide the back. Today, I don’t wear the sweater, and am amazed how many men make comments about my ass. It doesn’t offend me. I know Leo is there, watching out for me, and I know he won’t let any of them go too far. Besides, I really like the idea that Leo has a chance to see my ass in my jeans. I like that a whole hell of a lot.
I do feel a little bit of trepidation, though, because Leo is not my Daddy. Oh, he’s a Daddy, all right. But he is not mine. He is not anyone’s at present. Nonetheless, I am already thinking about him as though he were my Daddy, enough that I didn’t need the security of my diaper. The bottom line is-- I am headed for a crash, a terrible crash, when I finally face the reality that he and I are not together.
But why are we not together?
We know each other well, with years of friendship behind us. We know each other and we are both single. Why can’t he be my Daddy and why can’t I be his little girl?
I suppose, if I am honest, the reasons aren’t that complex. I am a little, sure. He is a Daddy, too. However, I am, more often than not, flighty, and almost oblivious about what I’m doing and how it impacts everything around me. A good word to describe me is careless. My carelessness gets me in trouble all the time. It was my carelessness that required him to rescue me in the first place.
But what if he were my Daddy, and he could not only rescue me when I need rescuing but also help me to stop doing things that make me need to be rescued in the first place?
Thoughts of Leo drive me absolutely crazy!
For the next three days, I masturbate at night before I go to bed. But now, instead of fantasizing about some unspecific Daddy, I’m masturbating about Leo. I masturbate in the mornings as well, and then spend my shift knowing he’s watching me to make sure I am safe. I can’t understand how I have gone so long without thinking of Leo in this way.
I do now.
God, I do now!
During my shifts, I find excuses to talk to him, to ask him questions, and to seek guidance even for things I don’t actually need any guidance for. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I can pretend he’s my Daddy and directing me. A good side benefit of all that is that it keeps me out of trouble, which is something I do desperately need, I suppose.
Rollie watches from where she plays her guitar on the stage, and I know she can tell just how turned on I am by him. She gives me knowing smiles and I am certain it won’t be very long before she and I have a conversation about the obvious attraction. I’m looking forward to the talk, although I don’t have the guts to be the one who starts it.
As desperately as I want Leo to be my Daddy and as unfulfilling as it is to not have him, I nonetheless feel like I am living the best week of my life. My days are filled with fantasies about a man I’ve known for years. My work is exciting, fun, and there are no crazy problems brought on by my own carelessness. I’m thrilled and happy.
Happy!
The craziest thing about it is this: I love kneeling in the corner and just focusing on the walls, staring at the Navajo white paint and nothing else, clearing my mind. The first time was insane for the first fifteen minutes, maybe the hardest thing I have ever done. Then, I focused on making it about pleasing Leo and somehow it became a powerful and wonderful thing. I don’t get it.
But there is one thing I understand completely.
I want to please Daddy and doing what he says is its own reward.
Daddy!
God, I want Leo to be my Daddy. I have almost talked to him about it a dozen times. I don’t know why when it comes time to actually try to make it official, I end up freezing up. All I know is that I want him, and I need him, and I want him to be proud of me.
So far, this one thing, this kneeling in the corner for a half-hour before every shift has done more for me than anything else I have ever tried in my life. He’s already influenced me for the better more than anyone else. He’s earned the right to be my Daddy, and he would have earned it with far less than he has already done. If I could just get up the nerve to tell him that, we could go from there and maybe I could finally have the relationship of my dreams.
With Leo!
It seems crazy that it could happen, that the perfect relationship I’ve always wanted has been in front of me for all this time. But I want it to be true.