Guilt and sadness chase me into the kitchen. Away from the happy announcement. I hate that I feel this way.
Bonnie and Lala are busy cleaning dishes and wrapping up leftovers.
“Hey, Charlotte.” Lala beams at me.
“Hey,” I mumble and point to the door. “Just going to get some air,” I explain without slowing my steps.
The cool evening air slaps me in the face but offers little relief.
Why, why, why couldn’t I sit still, smile, and congratulate Heidi like a normal person? Like a good sister would do? It’s not about me. She didn’t get pregnant to spite me. She doesn’t even know…dammit. It’s been months. Why is this still so hard? Why does it still hurt so much?
I cross my arms over my chest and stare into the woods. An owl hoots in the distance and I narrow my eyes, searching for a glimpse of the nocturnal bird.
“Char?” Murphy’s voice breaks the woodland peace. “You all right?”
I wipe my eyes quickly, paste on a bright smile, and turn to face him. “Yes! Congratulations. I’m so happy for you guys. You must be thrilled.” I babble out the words at a million miles a minute.
“Hey, come here.” He pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight. “Ginger power,” he whispers.
I let out a small, miserable laugh against his flannel shirt. Sure, this secret Marcel spilled. “Damn it. Marcel told you, didn’t he?”
“Don’t be too hard on him.” Murphy shrugs but keeps his arms around me. “He bared his soul to me when I was in a coma, thinking I couldn’t hear him. I used it to my advantage when I woke up.”
It so perfectly encapsulates their relationship, I can’t even be mad. “Sounds about right.” I pull back and peer up at him. “You…kept it to yourself all this time?”
He stares down at me with concern brewing in his eyes. Underneath the brutal biker exterior, Murphy truly is one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. “He asked me not to say anything.”
“I’m sorry.” Sniffling, I dab my eyes, and he releases his hold on me. “You know I’m so, so happy for you two, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I didn’t want to ruin your announcement, so I…”
“It’s okay.” He motions toward the door. “Everyone has her occupied.”
“I just needed a minute.”
“I understand.” He shrugs. “Heidi was worried about Marcel getting mad. But I was worried about you.”
His sweet concern breaks the precarious hold I have on my tears.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Charlotte.” He pulls me into his arms again.
“It’s fine.”
“She wanted to tell you guys first, but I thought telling everyone at once would—”
“Give me cover?”
He shrugs. “I guess. Heidi went for it because she figured Marcel wouldn’t kill me in front of the whole club.”
I dab at my eyes with my fingertips and laugh. “He’s more mature than that.”
He cocks his head, the corners of his eyes crinkling with laughter. “Is he, though?”
His teasing question pulls laughter from me. “Yes!”
The screen door creaks open.