My eyes strayed down to the journal again.
Outside, a bunch of people were standing around an ambulance. They ran over to us. I stayed in his arms while he explained what happened.
“We’ll call her parents.” They put me on a stretcher, then lifted me into the ambulance. “Thanks. We’ve got her now.” They waved him off.
…
The pain was starting to really hit me then.
One of them said, “Crushed pelvis.”
Another said, “It’s severe.”
“More like smithereens,” the first one said.
Another said, “Internal damage is likely. What about having children?”
The first one shook his head.
…
I have had three surgeries already. I have three more coming.
…
I guess I won’t get to be on the track team. People who can’t walk don’t get to be on the track team.
What no one is telling me is about the other parts of me. Like, the parts between my hips. Yeah, I’m too young to have kids now. But I did always think I’d be a mom someday.
My eyes fixed on What about having children? And then I reread Sheridan’s disappointment.
Puzzle pieces slid into place. Her bolt from my arms when I mentioned the baby I saw in my dream. Her cryptic statements about her first marriage, and how she’d chosen that guy who hadn’t been around much. Her wistful look when she mentioned her pregnant friend. Maybe some other clues.
Since then, though, had she gotten a second opinion? Or had she trusted in the off-the-cuff opinions of EMTs? EMTs, though trained, were not fertility specialists.
Argh! I tore at my hair and almost threw the book across the room. I slammed it shut and put it on the nightstand again, then marched downstairs and out to my car.
I had to do something about this.
Immediately.
There were people who owed me. Big time. And they were going to pay up.
Another text came in. I snatched at my phone. But it was from Carlton again.
More good news. You’ve been short-listed for MVS.
I exhaled. That was nice, but it now felt hollow if I couldn’t share the victory with Sheridan. All my life I’d felt like part of me was missing. When she was with me had been the first and only time I’d felt whole.
And now, to potentially lose her felt like much more than half of me had been ripped away.
I had to get her back.
I had to.
I would.