SAFFRON
"Are you mad?Because you look mad."
“I'm not mad, Tabs."
“Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to finish this mission and get back."
"He doesn't understand how it works."
I shook my head. “It doesn't matter."
“I think it does. It feels like he doesn't believe in you."
"Tabatha…" I gave her a firm press of my lips and my serious eyes.
She strapped on her bulletproof vest. "Look, I know how this goes. I understand it. I've been in your shoes before. And let's face it, he's a man. He hasn't done enough of these missions to know that sometimes you have to go on your instincts. And I trust yours with my life."
I frowned at that as I checked my magazine. “I don't want your life to be in danger. I know that’s part of this. I understand. It's a hazard of the job. I still don't like it.”
“He'll come around," she said, trying to soothe me.
“I'm not sure I want him to come around. This is too hard, Tabs."
She finished strapping on her vest as she studied me. “You love him, don't you?"
“I don't love him. That's bullshit."
"Honey, I can see it. You're completely smitten. For weeks, you two have been running around here sneaking glances. You've gotten better at hiding it in the building, but you forget, I see you when you wake up. I see the smile on your face. I see how he makes you feel. You are giddy and excited. And that's fantastic."
I felt like a vice had wrapped around my heart. “I don't want this. I don't want these feelings. I have so much to do, so much to prove. If I make one wrong move, I could get everyone killed. I nearly got everyone killed yesterday."
"That was not on you. You were following protocol."
“Yeah, protocol. But I didn't clear the room. Rook move. I made a mistake."
Tabs sighed and then strode over to me, planting her hands on my shoulders. “Do you remember Berlin?"
I frowned. She'd had several missions there. "Which mission?"
“You know, the one where the bomb was left behind. That was my fault. I got made. Simple as that. And as a result, the guy left his bomb behind instead of taking it to the actual intended target. Luckily, no one died, but several were injured. And that one haunts me. We all make mistakes."
“I know." And I did, or at least tried to. “But how am I supposed to trust my instincts, which I can feel in my bones are right, when the one person who’s supposed to believe in me doesn't?"
Tabs whacked me on the arm. "The one person?"
I laughed. “I'm sorry. You're right, actually. You, I can count on."
"Always. Now, what do you say we go pick up that stropping cunt?"
I laughed. "Tell me how you really feel."
"How I really feel is that she lied to us. She played us, or played you, from the beginning, and no one does that to my best mate."
"Sometimes I feel like I’m going completely crazy."
"Maybe you are. Maybe we come up snake eyes on this. I don't know. But you have a hunch, and if you back it up with some intel, I’ll follow you over a cliff. As long as you're Thelma and I’m Louise."