A few hours later and I had a new ensemble.
Rippling sleeves made of sheer fabric looked like bird’s wings and a short remnant of fabric that matched the wings served as my tail. Even my leotard was upgraded. It was now studded with sequins and rhinestones, so the bluish-black twinkled more brilliantly under the lights.
When the two costumers finished, they ushered me in front of a large mirror at the end of their smallish tent. I gaped in admiration of my new reflection, amazed at what they were able to do in such a short amount of time. The head seamstress handed me my bird mask, which was midnight blue with sequins placed at just the right points. Trying it on, I pranced around the circus ring, my chin held high as I imagined the applause I would receive from tonight’s performance.
Halfrieda whistled, interrupting my glee. “Well, well, doncha look just ‘bout as pretty as a peach?” she said, leaning against one of the vanities as she admired my new attire. “Ain’t never seen Laurent give anyone a mask to wear before. ‘Cept Rex, o’ course.” I noticed they were the only two who wore masks, but I didn’t think it meant anything special. I thought it was just part of their act.
Their work completed, the tailors and makeup artists left us alone. I slid the mask off my face, giving myself another once-over in the full-length mirror. My costume had definitely been upgraded. “I’m not sure I should be getting all of these extras,” I admitted. “The whole reason the twins hate me is because they were jealous of the attention I keep getting. This new costume will probably exacerbate it.”
“Well, that’s their own fault. Those two are the most jealous women I ever met. I’m guessin’ their blood is slimy green instead o’ red,” Halfrieda replied.
“But I—”
Halfrieda held up her hand with a shake of her head. “Ya better stop that crazy talk. I ain’t afraid ta squeeze it outta ya, love.”
I chuckled, although I didn’t really see the humor in it. I set my new mask on a nearby table, turning to face my friend with my arms extended. “I’d be fine with that, honestly.”
Halfrieda’s beard tickled my face as she hugged me tightly. I knew it was a bit strange, but something about that warm connection put me completely at ease.
“Valida misses talkin’ to ya, y’know,” she said softly.
I shrugged feebly, as much as I could with my arms pinned in Halfrieda’s embrace, not really sure how to reply. Halfrieda pulled away then, her hands gripping my shoulders as she looked into my eyes. “Ya gonna at least say goodbye ta her when we hit the end o’ the trail?”
It took everything I had not to break down in tears right then and there. “I just wish she hadn’t done what she did.”
“Well, it’s all done now. It’s like cryin’ over spilt milk at this point.”
I nodded. “I know. I just… I wish we could all stay together, here at the Cirque.” Tears spilled from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
“You know we can’t, love, that’s not the way it works.”
“But why not?” I implored. “Because of some weird tradition Laurent insists upon? I could talk to him, if only to convince him how stupid a business practice this is.” I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing Halfrieda again, and Valida too, for that matter. Even Balthazar had grown on me.
Halfrieda let me go, letting out a weary breath.
Swallowing loudly, I turned back to the mirror, taking one last look at myself in my new costume, although it seemed a little less spectacular in that moment. “I… I’m going to talk to Laurent about it next time I see him. This just… this can’t be the end of our friendship… of my friendship with all of you.”
Not only that, but I had no idea what I would after this show was over. It wasn’t as though there were numerous circuses that came by every month. In fact, I couldn’t remember another circus besides Cirque du Noir coming through my town. I could only imagine how difficult it would be to find another job elsewhere. Besides, there were still mysteries I wanted to figure out here.
Watching Halfrieda’s reflection, I saw her incline her head and the look on her face indicated she thought any conversation I had with Laurent would fall on deaf ears. “I’d best get going. See ya later, love.” She turned and walked away.
I just stood there, by myself, for a few minutes. And then I found myself drifting towards the mirror, my fingers snaking through the eye holes of the mask as I held it before my face. All I could do was stare at it, and a strange, disjointed sensation overcame me.
“I’m not Bindi Bairam,” I muttered softly. “I’m… not Bindi Bairam.”
***
“Now, ladies and gentlemen,” Laurent’s voice rippled throughout the big top, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. “I know you’re clamoring for our little bird, our newest star, and I promise you won’t be disappointed. Tonight will be quite phenomenal!”
The crowd cheered and my leg bounced anxiously as I sat in my seat beside them. Laurent’s idea of having me emerge from the crowd was actually a brilliant one and I could just imagine the audience’s surprise when I emerged. Wearing casual clothing over my costume, I easily blended in with the audience for tonight’s show, nothing more than another curious onlooker.
Twenty steps across, turn and take the seat farthest to the corner, I’d told myself as I’d walked among the incoming patrons. It was the second time I’d actually gotten to watch the show with the rest of the crowd.
So much time had passed since that first day.
Laurent finally came to the end of his introduction, waving his hand, which was my cue to appear. When the spotlight came on, it only revealed an empty birdcage sitting in the center of the stage. Some folks beside me started to whisper as Laurent acted like a nervous fool.
“Oh, m-my,” he tugged dramatically at his shirt collar as he spoke, pretending to fret. “It seems our little bird has flown the coop. Where on earth could she have gone?”