Chapter 8
Hazel
My eyes burn from allthe crying I’ve done tonight, but that's what happens when you keep your emotions suppressed for a long time. I should have known Aiden would still be upset about the adoption. After all, I didn't give a choice in the matter, and with my regrets making the decision, I never stopped to think how he would feel. Now I know that he's outraged, and he has every right to be. If I could go back and keep him, I would. The nights I've stayed awake, wondering how he is doing, or if he looks like me, those will never go away.
I curl my knees up to my stomach, and snuggle the blanket closer, trying to get comfortable. His bed is nice, but what I wouldn't give to be in my own bed right now. The smell of him from his t-shirt reminds me of our happy days. This is the same cologne he wore in high school, and it brings back so many memories.
Our first actual date, at the diner, we snuggled up in the booth, and talked about life. We ended up hanging out there for almost three hours, and that's when I found out more about him. His dad's passing, the family of firefighters, and his aspiration to get a college scholarship playing football. At the end of the night, he walked me back to my dad's house, and kissed me on the doorstep. Afterwards, he pulled me in close, and told me he was going to marry me someday.
Why couldn't I be wrapped up in his arms again? I think about it, and before I can talk myself out of it, the bedroom door opens.
"Aiden, you awake?"
His head peeks up over the back of the couch. "Everything okay?"
"I can't sleep. You might as well sleep in your own bed."
"No, I'm fine here. There's no way I'm making you sleep on the couch, Hazel."
"Okay, then we can both sleep in the bed."
He runs his fingers through his hair, and stares at me. "Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"If anything, it will help me sleep. Come on."
He gets up, and walks past me to the bed. "You sure?"
I nod, and take my place on the right side, raising the covers up to my shoulders. Would he get upset if I slept on his chest? I roll over, laying my head on his chest and he doesn't move or say anything. Instead, his hand rests on my arm and brings me in closer.
Why did I leave this man behind? He could have been a wonderful husband, but instead, I'm divorced already. Even with the regrets, and pain from the adoption, he still cared for me. It is mutual.
"I'm so sorry for leaving you behind. We would have been great together."
He rolls over, to look me in my eyes. "Listen, I'm still in love with you. Please don't lead me on. You are going back to Massachusetts," he says, before he puts me back in position and closes his eyes.
He's right. This is not the time to be confessing my feelings. Massachusetts is my home now, and the law firm makes me work to the bone every day, and focus on the case primarily, with little time for any relationships. And as much as I would love to see if we can make it work, we live too far apart. The commute alone isn't going to work, and neither one of us is going to leave our jobs to move. Long distance relationships never work, especially when you work as many hours as I do every day.
***
Around seven in themorning, I leave without waking him up, as I figure he is still not a morning person, and dropped the envelope in my father's mailbox to be picked up today. Jeremy is waiting for me on the porch.
"Seriously? Did you go back out last night?"
"Yes. I'm twenty-six-years-old, you know. I don't need a babysitter."
"I don't know about that. Assuming you were over at Aiden's perhaps?" He takes a sip of his coffee and side eyes me.
"So? It's not like we slept together or anything."
He laughs. "Well, I would hope not. No need opening old wounds for only a visit."
I walk past him, and inside to make myself a cup of coffee. Jeremy has always been great at reading me, and that means he knows my feelings for Aiden are still there. It's hard to miss.
My hand reaches up into the cupboard to grab a mug while I brew a new pot of coffee and then pour some French vanilla creamer into the mug. Another comical thing, I never drank coffee until I met Aiden. This obsession with it is all his fault.
Jeremy comes inside, and leans against the counter. "I love you, sis. What's going on? I know something was up and you're going to tell me eventually, so might as well tell me now."
God he's good. Should I tell him about Jake? He's going to be so pissed at me for not informing him sooner.