He sits back down, and his eyes are searching my face for answers. “What do you mean?”
Shit. I’m not ready for this. The man I still love is never going to forgive me.
“Just fucking tell me. You being quiet is only making matters worse.”
I fill him in on the situation about my ovarian cancer. Not many people know about it, including Jeremy or my dad. I don’t want them to worry about me.
“Holy shit. Are you gonna be okay? Can I do anything?” He grabs my hand.
“I’m okay now, but won’t be able to have children.”
I might’ve given Jake up for adoption, but it never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t be able to have children later in life. It only makes me regret my decision even more.
“What do you need from me? I’m confused.”
I look deeply into his eyes. “There is a way that we might be able to see our son. And the only way it will work is if you are on board.”
“I was wondering when he would come up in conversation.”
He sits back, and motions for me to continue.
“So, you didn’t sign any of the adoption paperwork.”
“And I wouldn’t have,” he replies.
“Well, that is going to help us. You can write a letter to the adoption agency requesting information. Just claim you knew nothing about it until now, and want to know how he is. They might send it off to the couple.”
“And why would they let us see him? It’s been eight years. He’s only known them.”
“They might not, but it’s worth a shot. To see Jake. I’ll give anything.”
Aiden’s fingers tap on the table, as he looks around the room. “Why didn’t you just keep him? I know you were young and all that, but we could’ve done it. And we wouldn’t be in this fucking situation.”
Coming into this catch up session, I knew that ill feelings are bound to come out. Did I prepare myself for it? A little bit.
“Listen, I regret it every day, but I can’t change it. I’ve come here to beg you to help me.”
“Did you not think I would be a good dad?” His eyes closed for a minute, and then his fists clenched.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Aiden. It was stupid and I should have never done it, I know that.”
His eyes open, and fueled with fire. “He’s eight years old and never met his real parents. Hell, he probably doesn’t even know that he’s adopted. Out there with strangers instead of us.”
The music is too loud for most of the drunk inhabitants to even notice our conversation, but it didn’t make it less embarrassing.
“I,” I start to respond, but he cuts me off.
“I would have taken care of you and our child...”
This time his fists hit the table, and he stands up.
Tears start to fall from my eyes, I’ve never seen him like this. Frothing with rage. It’s scary.
“I’m done with this conversation for now.”
And just like that, Aiden walks out of the bar, leaving me there balling.
Did I expect him to react like that? In a way, but not so loud. It’s not like he would hit me or anything. All our history has been wiped and who knows if he will ever talk to me again.
I pull myself together, order an UBER, and go home. If I can’t get him to help me, we might never get to see our son. He needs some space, I get it, but he has to talk to me. The only way we are ever going to know how he is doing is if we work together. He might hate me, but Jake is his son, and he isn’t the type of guy to let that go.