Day 15
Elimination day.
To say my nerves are shot is the understatement of the decade. After quitting yesterday, I pretty much guaranteed I wasn’t going to be granted immunity. Which means there’s a chance I’m going to be sent home tonight.
The thought causes a chill to run up my spine as I curl up on the couch, taking a sip of coffee. It burns my lip, but that doesn’t stop me from drinking it. It’s almost noon, and I just woke up, this week’s festivities finally catching up with me.
Last night was no different.
After Jace walked me back to my villa, he wanted to watch a movie. If I let him in, watching a movie would be the last thing we did, so I turned him down. Which only made him press harder for some alone time with me. I love his fighting spirit, but after making an ass of myself in front of everyone, I wanted to be alone for a while. Promising Jace I would meet up with him at the party last night, he reluctantly left.
I was confused as hell about what I was doing. Who I wanted to be with. If I even wanted to be with one of them. Because this is TV. The last thing I really want is my relationship aired for the entire world to see.
Which got me thinking about Wren. Wondering what he’s up to right now. Wondering if he was watching the show. If he even knew I was a participant. If he cared.
Not that I should care, but I can’t help it. He was my life, my universe, for so long. I thought my future was with him. The house, kids, everything. It revolved around him. And then in the blink of an eye, it didn’t.
No, I’m not over him. No, I don’t want to get under someone else to get over him. Especially with all the watchful eyes, and cameras, around here. Not exactly ideal.
After an hour or so I cleaned myself up, ate a small snack, and then headed down to the pool. The sun had long sunk beneath the horizon, blanketing me in darkness except for the occasional lamp post along the path’s edge. So as I rounded the corner and came in contact with a hard body, I screamed out in terror only to be pulled into the garden with a hand over my mouth.
My heart pounded against my chest as arms wrapped tightly around me. When his scent wafted across the breeze, my body sagged against his for a brief second before I turned and smacked him in the bicep, causing him to chuckle.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I stated, stepping out of his embrace and crossing my arms over my chest.
I was wearing a low-cut tank top that already gave him a great view of my breasts. With my arms crossed, I was afraid they were going to pop out and make a full appearance. Still, I held my ground, glaring at him even though he couldn’t see my face.
“That wasn’t my intention. I was coming to find you when you ran into me.”
“Yeah, well, you walk quietly,” I said in protest of his half-assed apology.
Reaching out and placing his hands on my shoulders, he gave them a light squeeze before pulling me back to him, pressing me as tightly against his chest as possible. I fit perfectly beneath his chin, and for the first time all day, I let myself relax. We were hidden in the shadows. There were no cameras or prying eyes. No competition.
It was just me and Lennon. Alone.
Kissing me on the top of the head, he once again held me at arm’s length. I could feel his gaze rake over me. The nearest light was at least thirty feet behind him, and it wasn’t even close to reaching where we were standing.
“We should probably go,” I said, attempting to turn away before I confused myself any further, but Lennon held me still.
“Tomorrow,” he began, releasing me, his arms falling to his sides as he stared at the ground. “If one of us goes home, I’d like to stay in contact if that’s okay with you.”
If one of us goes home...
What if that happens? What if he stays and falls in love with one of the other girls? What if he goes home and I fall in love with Jace? It’s not a fair competition unless they’re both here.
“I’d like that,” I said before I can stop myself. Because he deserved a chance to fight as much as Jace does. It was then I realized exactly how much I was fighting as well. Not against them, for them. For me. For a chance at something greater. Something more than what I expected to find when I first arrived.
I don’t want lust. I want love, and one of these gorgeous, sweet, sexy men could be the one I’ve been looking for all my life.
Then again, what do I know? I thought I was in love with Wren and look how that turned out.
The memory of my conversation with Jace last night has me thinking back over the entire week. How much fun I had with each of the guys. I know I’m going to have to vote and even though I already know who I’m voting to go home, that’s not how the game works.
I have to rank them. One through six. One being my first choice to stay. The one I connected with the most. The one I want to get to know better. And six... the opposite of one. The person who I have no interest in spending more time with.
Gage would be my number six, but who is my one?
I had so much fun with each of them. They all brought out my smile, made me laugh, and I genuinely enjoyed their company. I know that won’t always be the case, so this week’s vote feels like the hardest. The better I get to know each of them, the easier this decision will be to make, right?