For both of us.
Settling on the ground behind me, the daemon ceded control to Asa, who wrapped his arms around me. He couldn’t share in the syphon spell, but I could tell he wanted to help, and having his solid presence at my back was the next best thing.
I had gone so long without anyone to lean on, I had trouble relaxing into him, but only for a moment. As always, I couldn’t resist what Asa offered, and that easy trust, the eager dependency, scared me spitless.
While he and I held vigil, Clay stood watch to ensure the zombigo didn’t circle back to finish the job.
Predators often kept caches of dying prey to finish off at their leisure, and I didn’t want to be dessert.
Hours later, as pink and orange clouds streaked across the sky, sunlight hit the woman’s cheeks, and she expelled a shuddering breath. A smile of utter contentment bowed her pale lips, and then she was gone.
To witness her end clenched an undefinable thing in my soul that wept knowing she had ascended some place worth smiling about while my parents were both dead and gone. For good. Forever. For always.
One day I would join them in that void of nothingness, the lack of consciousness a blessing in the ether.
Unlike this woman, I doubted I’d die with a smile. Probably a grimace. Or a scream. Hazards of the job.
“You really have gone soft.” Clay clucked his tongue to gentle his scolding. “You held vigil for a human.”
“We all deserve a hand to hold at the end.” I kicked out one leg to pocket my wand. “I might also need a hand now.” I slumped back against Asa. “I can’t feel my legs.”
Behind me, Asa rose with a soft grunt that told me I wasn’t the only stiff one. Hooking his hands under my arms, he lifted me onto my feet. Fingers trailing around my waist while I regained my balance, he circled in front of me and drew me into an embrace that squeezed out tears for a woman I hadn’t even known.
“Clay is right.” I sniffled against his shirt. “I have gone soft.”
To model this new identity after humans I respected might have been a step too far.
Full of life, yes, but also full of feelings. Most emotions eluded me, they were too nuanced for my ignorant heart to decipher, but I didn’t want them if they left me soggy and puffy.
“To grieve the loss of a life is no small thing.” He brushed his lips across my temple. “You offered her comfort in death. You took away her pain.” He breathed me in. “You are becoming, and I’m honored to witness it.”
“I thought I already became.” I withdrew to wipe my cheeks. “Growing pains suck.”
Black witch to white witch. White witch to…? I had to know what I was to know what I would turn into.
“You’re fighting against what you’ve been taught your whole life. It’s changing you, shaping you. More now that you’re back on the job. With a familiar.” Clay continued to keep watch. “You’re engaging in a lifelong battle against yourself, Dollface. Polish up your armor. You’re going to need it.”
Arms cinched around my middle, I held myself tight. “Things were easier when I ate my feelings.”
Clay, trying to get a laugh, winked at me. “You mean hearts.”
“Okay, fine, hearts.” I had to steel myself against the scent of blood on my skin. “Man, am I hungry.”
That outburst was proof positive I wasn’t fully rehabilitated, or else I wouldn’t be smelling death settle on the human I had eased into her next life while clenching my gut to keep my stomach from rumbling.
The pit of magic in my core, always ravenous, snarled and snapped at my denial. But I was stronger.
That didn’t mean I wouldn’t practice common sense and move upwind to remove any temptation.
Thankfully, she was human, and her heart held no gain for me. That helped me resist too.
“The Chattanooga team is on their way to clean up this mess,” Clay told us. “Ready to head back?”
A nod was all I had the energy for as I accepted the hand Asa offered to lead me to the cabin.
And if I twined our fingers, it was only to give me a firmer grip, not because I couldn’t help myself.