Kyra
Lying to Derek about her parents and their travels had become intensely unpleasant.
Unless her perception was just completely ruined, he knew there was something going on. She would just have to hope that he would chalk it up to grief.
The truth was she did like talking about her parents. She completely understood why Derek wanted to talk about the people he’d lost too, even Roman’s dad. Derek didn’t see him as a monster, just a father figure.
And it would've been nice to be able to do that with the vampires. But they just didn't care. They rarely lost anyone, and they had no idea what it was like to grieve.
There were covens who got into battles, but hers avoided anything that could cause harm. And so it had been hundreds of years since one of them had been killed. In fact, the composition of the coven currently was the exact same as it had been when she joined as a child. No one had left. No one had died, and no one had been killed. It made them very unsympathetic. And terrible guardians for a grieving, mourning child.
"Hey, I know this might be too soon, but have you ever thought about joining another pack?" He held up his hands. “I don't want to disrespect your former pack, but I thought I’d ask.”
This was perfect. She couldn't believe he was asking her this so soon. Was it really possible that he suspected nothing? She thought she'd blown it there for a minute. She'd been certain of it. He had asked her so earnestly, without any guile at all, about her family and their past.
She felt like she'd been so absolutely transparent about her parents. She felt like the truth was written all over her face. That her parents cared nothing for travel, but her father had been forced with great cruelty from their pack – the pack that left them all to die.
The loyal daughter inside of her had wanted to open her mouth and spill the truth. Ranting and raving about how her parents had been shunned. How they had been abandoned in their time of need. In fact, the word ‘shun’ ran through her head several times. But in the end, she had clamped her mouth closed and taken a deep breath. If she spouted off the truth to him then, the charade was up. It was over.
Once he understood the truth, she would not be allowed anywhere near them. That discovery would ruin everything. Not only would the vampires be furious, but she would be furious with herself. And that brought up a bigger question – what would the vampires do to her?
She knew they cared for her in their own strange way. But it could hardly be called love. They weren't like other living beings, they were so otherworldly and strange even to her, and she’d grown up with them. It felt impossible to ever truly predict what they might do.
She tried to imagine telling them that she’d botched the mission. "Hello, Victor,” she’d say. “I wasn't able to join the pack.”
“Why not? What happened?” he would ask her.
“Oh, you know. I went on a tirade about what Roman’s father did to mine. And can you believe it, Derek was quite interested to hear what I had to say. And then afterward, he exiled me from the pack and told me never to come close to him again.”
Would Victor kill her if she screwed up? She wasn't sure. And that in itself was fairly pathetic.
How could a person not know if she'd be murdered by the person who'd raised her?
Yet that was how she felt. Victor could not be trusted in the ways that shifters and humans trusted each other. That was just the truth. There was no point being delicate about it. Pretending would do her no favors.
So she pulled herself together, difficult though it had been, and she lied and told Derek she didn't like talking about her parents. To her shock, he seemed to believe her. Was she really that good of a liar, or was he just predisposed to believe whoever he liked at the time?
That was a fairly cruel thought. It wasn't one she was proud of. But it was honest.
It wasn't that Derek seemed incapable of introspection. It was that he didn't seem inclined to distrust her. Which meant she had done a good job of earning his trust. That was something that Victor would be proud of. To be duplicitous and sneaky, that would always work in her favor as far as the vampires were concerned.
But now she had gone down the rabbit hole with her thoughts. And they weren't particularly productive.
Derek was staring at her with concern. “Is it too soon? Should I not have asked you about joining a pack?"
Maybe it was better that she did express a little concern and show her reluctance. She put her hand up on her chest, right over her heart. "Are you sure? Your Alpha won't mind?”
“Of course, I have to have his permission for you to join the pack but just coming to hang is fine. You’re welcome anytime; he has already made that clear. And Roman used to be a real hard ass. But he's so much better now, he's had to be. He had to learn that he can't control everything. Everleigh was a huge help with that. Before her, I have no idea what would have happened. He definitely didn't trust outsiders too much, but thanks to her, he's much more open-minded now."
So she had Roman’s mate to thank for her invitation into their lives.
"I don't know if I'm ready to pledge my loyalty to my new pack.” She tried to show hesitation in her eyes.
He shot her a sympathetic look. “Of course. That makes sense.”
“But I would love to come hang out. That would be fantastic. Why don't I come over to see how things go? See how I fit in with the pack. How long has it been since a new member joined your pack?”
He made a face. “It doesn't happen too often. But I think they’re definitely more open to it now. When Everleigh joined, there was some outrage. Because she's a bear. But it made people open their eyes and the ones who were hostile – well, Roman kicked them out. So, we’re actually in a much better spot now than we would've been, and since then, we've actually had a few other kinds of shifters join.”