"We are in the bathroom," my voice filled with fatigue, "because I need these two particular candles to burn separately from the rest and I don't want to burn down the house, so the shower is a good spot for them."
His face remained void of expression, unflinching. His entire demeanor was infuriating. I hated this. I hated answering his questions and getting absolutely nothing in response.
Choosing to ignore him, I withdrew my small, black, reliable lighter and began chanting as I lit the two candles before me. The flame danced against the bronze tiled walls as I called on my deity to assist.
Aset.
Aset.
Rise, O Mother.
Aset, I call to thee,
Rise and set my Magick free.
Aset.
Aset.
Rise, O Mother.
I remain true and loyal until the end.
After the first round of chanting, the bathroom seemed to crackle with energy. Warmth engulfed me, enveloping me within its comfort, and I knew that she had arrived - even if I had never seen her, from the day she had chosen me as hers, and I had chosen her as mine, I would be able to recognize her energy anywhere. The flames jumped higher in her presence, the bronze tiles blazing brighter in the new light.
I vaguely heard Dimitri choke out a swear word in the background, but I didn’t care, I was too caught up in the Magick - caught up in her presence, really. When I was casting spells like this, and connected to everything and nothing all at once, I felt at peace. I felt as if everyone’s expectations of me bore no weight. I felt centered, and somehow valid - as if I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing. There was a rightness to it all. All my insecurities faded into the background, and for the first time in a while, I felt my lungs ease as the pressure lessoned - allowing me to breathe freely. Free. That’s what this was - it was freedom - true freedom.
Dreaming up all that I wished the bracelets to hold, I infused the bracelets with protection, conveying my intentions and ideas into the obsidian beads that gleamed back at me from the plates below. I keyed them against psychic attacks and the Magick derived specifically from Hoodoo, and then, just to be safe, I added a second incantation to it, begging Isis to deflect all kinds of Magick aimed their way - except mine. I had learnt that lesson the hard way with a clingy client and a bracelet that was so well charmed that not even I could undo it. Charl had to arrange for someone to ‘bump into her’, yanking the bracket from her arm, shattering the string that held all my intentions together just so I could break through to her. It was a lesson learnt for the entire Club, and I was grateful that my misstep managed to save the girls future hassle.
As the spell took on a life of its own, my intentions imbued, the air filled with power and the crackle of Magick - pure energy - I shut my eyes and, for a moment, allowed myself to revel in the blissful state of spellcasting. Time was not a linear thing. My limbs became utterly heavy, almost immovable, my eyelids drooped, and then in direct comparison, I felt the featherlight kiss of lips against my cheeks - a blessing. And then, memories and future situations seemed to bleed into one another, and I was unsure of where I was and what timeframe I existed in.
Image upon image crashed into me in waves, and as soon as I got a grip on one scene, a new one crashed into its place.
Sitting alone in my cabin at summer camp, a notepad spread open before me as I doodled, waiting to connect with a deity. Maybe one wouldn’t show up? Many Witches worked without a deity - it didn’t take away from the Magick, but I wanted one. Like, really wanted one. I didn’t have a fancy Witch heritage to whip out when someone questioned my credentials - I couldn’t scream out that my family had survived the trials of Salem or that I was part of some sort of elite club of Magick that I was born into and therefore didn’t need to be invited into. No, I wanted a Deity to prove to myself and to everyone else that this was the right path for me. Because if a Deity deigned to show their approval of you - to agree to work with you - that had to mean something, right?
I scribbled out name after name, and nothing seemed to stick. And when I was completely distracted, humming some nameless tune as I doodled flowers in each corner of the page, I smelt it. The breeze blew through the cabin carrying the scent of honeysuckle.
Egypt rose up in my mind. A temple. Women - all women, singing, praying, revelling, and rejoicing. Her name whispered on the wind - Isis - Aset.
My notebook’s pages began flipping wildly in the breeze, and in that moment, I understood that I had been chosen. I had been chosen by an ancient being - someone so powerful that entire civilizations bowed before her - had chosen me.
A new image crashed forth, erasing the old. A rounded belly, hands splayed across the black fabric that stretched across a growing womb. It took me a moment to understand what I was truly seeing - what image was actually being presented to me. That belly was mine.
Dread hollowed out my bones as I wondered if it was Andrew’s baby. If I had truly lost control of my life - allowed it to spiral to the point where I married Andrew.
My anxiety had me crashing back into the present as I blinked and was once more faced with the two burning candles before me, the energy of the room no longer as intense as when I first began.