Itwastheperfect day for a swim. The sun was high in the sky, the little clouds that drifted by too thin to be threatening. But as it was windy too, the temperature wasn’t unbearable.
I had woken up to rain pelting the windows, and I’d snuggled against Sully’s chest, basking in the comfort and safety I felt with him. Since I got home from the hospital two days ago, I’d had trouble sleeping through the nights. My brain was constantly trying to tell me something, to remind me of what had happened, but I was too afraid to find out.
Instead of the memories of that night, those of a longer time ago I thought I’d forgotten resurfaced. Of old sexual assaults I should no longer care about. Of my first Master having sex with me, even when I’d said no. Of clients who’d paid, but when they got too rough and I told them to stop just kept at it anyway because all was good once money had exchanged hands. Of sleeping with Nolan, even though I would never had done it if I’d had a choice.
All those other times, I could process, accept the events for what they were, and move on with my life, but it was hard to do this time. Because I couldn’t remember what had happened. I didn’t know what to put behind me. I didn’t know what to forget and what feelings I needed to work through.
It was the worst kind of violation I’d been through, and I was struggling.
Sully did everything to make me happy, and being with him helped to make me feel better. He cuddled me more, always kissing me and keeping me close, but sometimes, when he touched me unexpectedly, my heart jolted. And not in the way it used to.
Had he noticed?
A loud meow pulled me out of my thoughts, and I smiled as Pumpkin ambled over to me. He launched himself up onto the lounge and curled up next to my side. I stroked him, the purring sounds he emitted soothing me. Maybe if I could get into kitty headspace and do a scene with Sully, I would feel better, but I couldn’t summon the energy for play either.
A kiss on my forehead woke me up from my doze. Sully sat next to me in another lounge chair.
“How long have you been watching me?” I asked.
“Not nearly long enough.” He rubbed a finger along my cheek. “Did you apply sunscreen? It’s hot out today.”
“No, I didn’t plan to stay out here this long.” I sat up, but he pushed me back down gently.
“Stay. I’ll get it.”
I lay back on my stomach. Pumpkin didn’t appreciate the new position and jumped down from the lounger and peered curiously over the edge of the pool.
Sully returned and placed a kiss in the center of my back, then trailed his lips up to my nape. He squirted sunblock into his hands and massaged it into my skin.
His hands worked wonders on the tense muscles, and I groaned.
“Feels good?” he asked.
“Hmm.” If he kept it up, I would drift off to sleep.
He spread the cream across every inch of exposed skin and under the waistband of my shorts. My legs received the same treatment, and when he was done, he whispered for me to turn over. I flipped onto my back, my eyes open in tiny slits. I watched him apply the cream with intense concentration, like he was performing surgery.
“All done.” He recapped the bottle.
“Don’t mention it.” He tweaked my nose.
I sat up and took the cream from him. “Let me do the same to you.”
“I don’t burn as easily.”
I squeezed some into my hands as he tugged his shirt over his head. I stared at his broad back, my nostrils flaring and my dick perking up. Thank fuck. Whatever had happened to me three nights ago didn’t affect my attraction to Sully.
Slowly, I explored his back with my hands, spanning his shoulders and kneading his skin. I shoved my hands into the waistband of his sweatpants, earning me a groan. He shifted, wrapped an arm around me, and tumbled me onto his lap. I gasped and brushed my hair out of my face.
“Kit,” he said softly.