Santino and I, we couldn’t be anymore. This morning our interaction had been detached and professional.
I’d hated every second of it. It was probably for the best that he wouldn’t serve as my bodyguard anymore.
I was nervous. Nervous how I’d return to my old life, how I’d manage to allow closeness with Clifford. How I’d convince everyone I was okay. Leonas was the only one who knew about Santino, but he wasn’t the person to whom I’d talk about heartbreak. Because it felt like heartbreak. Falling out of love with someone took more than a conversation about a clean cut.
Maybe I could tell Luisa and Sofia… But I had practically lied to them these last three years too. I wasn’t even sure why I hadn’t told them anything on the few parties we’d seen each other in person. Maybe I’d thought it would make ending things easier if nobody knew. But now I wished I’d had someone who’d give me a pep talk. In the last three years, Santino had been the pep talker, mostly by telling me to stop throwing myself a pity party whenever something didn’t go to plan or I got a mediocre grade, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t take up that role anymore.
“Stop fretting. Nobody will notice anything. You fooled me into believing you were experienced three years ago, and that’s a remarkable feed. You’re a marvelous liar.”
This wasn’t the banter we’d shared before sex, this was the annoyed voice of the past.
I hated that Santino could so easily switch back to being the asshole. “Now that we’re back, will you return to servicing the lonely wives in Chicago?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Santino raised one brow. “Will you return to kissing Cliffy?”
“He’s my fiancé.”
The sardonic smile Santino gave me made me furious. How could he be this blasé about this? We’d been sleeping together, eating together, doing pretty much everything together for years and he didn’t seem to care.
“And I’m very obviously not,” he muttered. “I’m your bodyguard. As such, I’m not required to tell you about my sexual partners, or did I miss a clause in my contract?”
“You don’t have a contract. You have an eternally binding oath to my father, your Capo, to protect me that you’re obviously not honoring. If you were honorable, you’d at least keep watching me until I marry.”
Santino’s smile became dangerous. “Touché. I almost forgot that you’re my Capo’s daughter. But my oath isn’t eternally binding, only until I get killed protecting your perky ass.”
“I don’t want you to get killed for me.”
“Oh, Anna, I have a feeling that’s not up to you to decide. You’ll be my death one way or another.”
I glared. “You’re being melodramatic.”
“I learned from the best.”
I sighed and looked out of the window. We’d almost reached O’Hare. “I don’t want to get used to a new bodyguard now.”
What was I doing?
Santino didn’t say anything.
“So you’ll have a sleepover with Mrs. Clark tonight?”
Why couldn’t I shut up? I had been the one who wanted to end things and now I was clinging to Santino.
“She’s probably found a replacement. I’ll have to find a new lonely wife to service.”
“There are plenty to choose from.”
“In a few years, you’ll be one of them and I can be your closet lover.”
“I don’t want to burst your bubble, Sonny, but if I go looking for a lover when I’m a married woman, it’ll be a younger, less jaded man.”
I hated this. But it was for the best.
I couldn’t wait for the airplane doors to open. I wanted to get away. I couldn’t take any more of this.
Mom and Dad waited at the airport and I rushed toward them. Mom hugged me too tightly and Dad scanned me from head to top as if he wanted to determine I was really in one piece. He’d done it during each of my visits. He nodded at Santino as if he was silently praising him for keeping me safe. If Dad knew half the things that Santino and I had done…
It was better if I didn’t think about it. It was over now.
Santino gave me a cool nod before he said to Dad, “I’m heading home now to catch up on sleep.”
“I’m here to protect them, go ahead,” Dad said.
Without another word, Santino walked off. I swallowed, forcing my gaze away from his leaving form. Was this our final goodbye?
Dad picked me up at the airport. One look at my face and his expression filled with concern.
I sagged into the passenger seat, feeling like someone had used me as their mental punching bag. I’d always been good at casual sex, at keeping emotions out of the mix, but Anna had shown me the limitations of my control.
“You can tell me anything, son, you know that. Do I have to worry?”