“Hey, Dec. Is something wrong?” Avery asked as she wrapped her arms around his trim waist, resting her chin on his chest so that she could look up into his eyes.
Gazing down lovingly at her, he brushed his fingers through her long hair.
“I love you so much, Avery.”
“I love you too, Declan. But I have to admit, you’re scaring me right now.”
“I know, baby. Why don’t we go sit down?”
Following his lead, she took his hand as they sat next to each other on the raggedy sofa.
“So, you know how I’ve been having those terrible migraines?”
Avery nodded in response.
“Well, I went to the doctor today hoping that they could prescribe something stronger than what I can get over-the-counter. It, um…” His voice caught in his throat, and he choked out the next words, “It turns out I have a tumor. A very large one that is pressing everything against my skull.”
At first, shock overwhelmed Avery’s heart, quickly followed by devastated tears that cascade down her cheeks. Speechless.
What can I possibly say to that? What can I do to ease his pain?
He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and wiped her tears, but new ones follow even faster than he could wipe them away.
“The doctor says the prognosis isn’t good. Because of where it’s located, it can’t be operated on.” Scooting closer, pulling her face into both of his hands, Declan released his own tears that had been begging for exit. “I’m so sorry, Avery. I wanted to give you everything. I wanted you to have my children. I never wanted to leave you.”
They cried into each other’s arms for what seemed like hours. Avery heard wails of torment bouncing off her thin apartment walls and she realized that they were her own cries of anguish.
"How long, Dec?" she whispered when her eyes could at last produce no more tears.
"He said somewhere between a couple of months to a year at best. I'm so scared, Avery. I don't want to die yet."
Wrapping Declan tighter into the cocoon of her arms, they held each other through the rest of the night and into the morning, not taking any time to sleep, just wanting to be with each other.
After calling into work for the first time ever, Avery stayed with Declan as they both tried to get a few hours of sleep before heading to see a pain management specialist he was referred to by his doctor. Both so scared, all of their talks of future plans ceased to exist. They only discussed the here and now.
It seemed like the day Declan received his official prognosis his health began to deteriorate quickly. Where he once had lean, strong muscle, he became bone, draped with thinly veiled skin. He had to shave off his beautiful hair so that the probes used on his head by his doctor could affix better during the scans. The chocolate color of his captivating eyes had darkened to a swampy shade of sludge. And the eyes themselves had sunken back into their caverns.
But he was still her Declan.
He was loving and affectionate and still heart-stoppingly hands
ome.
What Avery wouldn't have given for more time with him.
Six months after his diagnosis, Avery found Declan unable to get out of bed, his muscles too weak from the deterioration. When his organs had begun to shut down, they had hired a hospice nurse to stay with them, a wonderful gift that Declan's aunt and uncle offered to pay for. After the nurse finished her morning ritual, Avery took her place in the chair beside the bed in the guest room where Declan had been sleeping.
"Today's the day, baby."
Wiping a tear from her eyes, she stuttered, "Don't say that. You have plenty of time left."
"It is, Avery. I can feel it. Come lay beside me, please."
Getting out of the chair, Avery maneuvered herself carefully onto the bed, so as not to jostle him or the medical equipment too much. Even with as little strength as Declan possessed, he turned himself to face her, placing his frail hand on her face. Avery twisted her face into his hand and kissed his palm.
"I want to say a few things, Avery. Don't say anything until I finish, ok?" he whispered through a crackled voice, mustering what little strength he had left.
She nodded in reply, allowing him to proceed.