Isip at my bourbon while taking in the decor of The Drunken Lamb. It’s an Irish pub downtown, and Mike and Harry and I don’t hang out at places like this that often, but then again, sometimes Irish pubs hit the spot with their eye-watering lager, busty bar wenches, and loud music. Plus, my friends aren’t holding back on the vulgarity tonight either.
“Man, I wish these girls were game for fucking around,” Harry says, downing his bourbon before nodding at one of the waitresses sashaying by. “I mean, look at the ass on that one.”
Mike clinks his glass to Harry’s and whistles, his gaze appreciative.
“Fuck yeah. I could bury my face in her butt for days.”
I smirk because they’ve both got a point. We share a preference for thick, curvy women, and that’s one of the best things about The Drunken Lamb. The girls who work here have extra oomph, and this particular one actually does have an ass that goes on for days, round and tight beneath her skirt. I wouldn’t mind her sitting on my face, come to think of it, because that’s the kind of suffocation I dream of taking me to my death. A thick bottom, riding my nose and mouth, screaming my name while she comes all over my tongue.
“Yeah, but what if she smothers you?” I crack. “You’d die of lack of oxygen and then what would the coroner’s report read? John Doe: nose and mouth clogged with pussy fluid, possible asphyxiation.”
Mike merely shrugs.
“I’d die happy, and that’s all that fucking matters.”
I clink my glass with his.
“Hell yeah, you’re right. Here’s to death by pussy!”
We all clink glasses again, enjoying the camaraderie. After all, Harry, Mike, and I have been buds since meeting at Connecticut College decades ago. After graduation, we moved out here to New York City and now, at forty-five, somehow we all hit the jackpot when it comes to careers. Mike got into real estate development and now owns his own multimillion dollar firm called Macklowe Holdings. Harry used his love of games to develop a blockbuster app called GemPulse, which is something like Tetris but with jewels, and that asshole sold it for a jackpot last year. Meanwhile, I stayed true to my love of finance and now run NN Bank in the city. It’s a nice gig, if stressful at times.
But that’s why meeting up with the guys is key. One of the things that keeps me sane in this go-getter rat race is shooting the shit with my best buds from college, and to be honest, sometimes it’s more than just talk because Harry, Mike, and I like to share. Yes, we like to please women, and sometimes there’s a certain curvy girl who’ll get it simultaneously from all three of us. We don’t share all of our women, of course, but it’s a good time when we find a sassy filly willing to let us use her body to our heart’s content. We always make sure she’s more than satisfied, and hell, sometimes they come back begging for more. So yeah, the three of us might be kinky bastards, but we’re kinky bastards who make our women scream in pleasure too.
But that brings me to why I called this meeting tonight.
“So are you guys enjoying Club Z?” I ask casually. My two buds aren’t even listening because they’re ogling a woman on the other side of the bar, but then I click my fingers and that gets their attention.
“What?” Mark asks rudely. “You’re nowhere near as cute as her.”
I just sigh.
“So, what do you guys think of Club Z? Have you indulged lately?”
That gets my friends’ attention.
“Yeah, I was with that really hot redhead that did the strip tease last week,” Mike grunts. “Shit, she was bangin’.”
“I booked a blonde,” Harry mentions off hand. “The one with the supersize tits. Like I said, I’m going to die happy if she smothers me with those gazongas.”
I cringe because these guys are even more vulgar than usual, but maybe that’s good because I have a particularly vulgar proposition of my own for them.
“Actually,” I say in an off hand tone. “I have an opportunity. You know that bar manager, Benny, the one with the greasy hair? He reached out to me the other day and said he’ll set up a private auction for us. For a woman,” I say.
“I don’t know,” my buddy grunts. “Benny’s pumped full of roids. He’s probably not thinking straight.”
“Besides, this makes no sense. Is he expecting us to bid against each other?”
I shake my head slowly.
“No, I don’t think so,” I say in a slow tone. “Actually, I know it’s not going to be like that because the three of us will be bidding on which of her hot little holes we want to fuck.”
Harry and Mike’s brows raise.
“One girl,” Harry breathes.
“Three holes,” Mike finishes.
I spin my finger around, pointing to us.
“And three of us. Three holes for three guys.”
My two friends gawk.
“Fuuuuck,” Mike drawls.
“Fuck me three times,” Harry adds. “So can we do the switcheroo? Like I win her ass, but I get to use her pussy too even though you’ve bought it?”
“I don’t know, but I assume so, because who’s to stop you? I’m certainly not going to.”
My friends nod, impressed, but then crinkle their brows.
“Are we sure this is on the up-and-up?” Mike asks. “I mean, this is Benny we’re talking about.”