Chapter 33
Jaxon
I’mnotsurewhich weighed heavier on my chest—the dad guilt of my son getting hurt while not on my watch or Kate’s words: I can’t have kids. Either way, I spent the entire night restless. The one time I calmed my mind enough to close my eyes, Andy had woken up ready for his next dose of medicine.
When I hear shuffling downstairs, I decide it’s time to stop hiding and get out of bed.
Last night, after Kate ran out and Lauren chased after her—something I should’ve done, but I was still in such shock, processing what she said—Finn had said that he was staying in case I needed help.
I walk downstairs, completely in a daze and exhausted. I scrub my hands down my face as I enter the kitchen. A figure out of the corner of my eye forces me to stop in my tracks. She’s standing in front of the sink, staring out at the backyard. Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head and that oversized hoodie she always wears. Is my mind playing tricks on me? Had I actually fallen asleep and this was all a dream?
My heart catches in my throat. I want to run to her, swoop her into my arms, and never let her go.
“Kate,” I whisper.
Slowly, she turns around, but then reality hits me like an eighteen-wheeler—it’s not Kate; it’s Lauren. I press my hand to my chest, trying to relieve that pang in my heart. Did I really just confuse the two of them? Wait, when did she get here? Is Kate here, too?
Blinking hard, I shake the thoughts from my mind. “Sorry, I just thought—” No need to finish the sentence. I look around to see if she’s here, but of course, I come up empty. Why would she be here? She made it very clear last night that she was done with me. I hang my head, avoiding her gaze.
“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t have anything else to change into from last night’s clothes, so I stole these from her closet.” She glances down at her outfit, and she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth nervously. “I’m sorry to barge in. I just came over to get my purse and keys. I ran out of here last night and didn’t think to grab them.”
I nod. There were other things on her mind, like her sister.
I walk over to the coffee maker. I don’t know if it was Finn or Lauren who brewed an entire pot already, but I could kiss whoever did it in thanks.
How is she? is on the tip of my tongue, but before I can ask it, Finn strolls into the kitchen.
“Good morning.” He stalks over and kisses Lauren’s temple. “By the way, remind me to buy you a better couch. I slept like shit.” He cranes his neck from side to side and sighs when a loud pop cracks.
“Do you plan on sleeping on my couch often?” I reply.
He holds his finger up. “Touché. It’s still shit.”
I try not to impose on their private conversation, even though they’re standing in my kitchen. When he cups her cheek with his palm, she leans into his touch. I turn back toward the counter and grip the surface, looking down at the ground. Was it really only twenty-four hours ago that Kate and I were in a similar position?
God, this is so fucked-up. I wish I could go back in time and savor that moment. No, that’s not where I would go back in time. I would rewind it to last night and tell her I needed her by my side at the hospital, watch as she comforted my son in my bed and stood here with me this morning.
“Well, I should go. I’ll see you guys later.” Lauren gives a weak smile in my direction and rushes out the door.
“Did you know?” I ask after taking a long sip of my coffee. I don’t even bother with cream and sugar this morning, just needing the strong, bitter taste as an additional umph to wake me up.
Finn stares off into nowhere, so I repeat the question.
He shakes his head and presses his lips together. “I knew she had issues when we were younger, like late high school/early college age, but I did not know the extent of it.”
I let out a harsh breath and close my eyes. I can’t even put into words the pain I feel for her. Why did she not tell me? Here I was going on last night, telling her that when she has kids of her own and that I saw one day having more kids with her. The pieces all fall into place from last night before everything went to shit. What a whirlwind twenty-four hours it’s been.
“Hey, take all the time you need. I can figure things out at work. You just focus on my godson, okay?”
“No. It’s fine. I mean, we have an appointment tomorrow to get his cast set, but I called Court’s parents last night at the hospital when you stepped out of the room. They’re moving their trip up sooner and arriving tomorrow evening. So I should be able to be back in the office on Tuesday.”
“Well, take all the time you need.”
“Daddy,” Andy calls out behind us. I look up to find Andy standing in the hallway.
“What are you doing out of bed, buddy?” I set my mug down behind me and walk over, scooping him carefully up in my arms, avoiding his wrapped arm.
“I woke up, and you weren’t there.” His lip sticks out, and tears fill his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Andy. I’m so sorry.” My voice breaks as I hold him tightly. Once again, I let him down. “Are you hungry or thirsty? Anything you want and it’s yours.”
“Anything?” His eyebrows raise to the ceiling. Oh boy. I nod.“Could I have ice cream?” His voice gets higher when he says ice cream, as if he thinks I will say no but just wants to test the waters. I’d make him a whole ice cream buffet now if it meant he felt better.
I carry Andy over to his seat at the table and set him down. “One bowl of ice cream coming up.”
“Where’s Miss Kate?”
I freeze, leaning into the freezer to grab the carton. “Umm, she’s not here.”
“Why not? I had a crazy dream, and I wanted to tell her all about it.”
Finn takes a seat beside him. “She had some things she needed to take care of this morning with Auntie Lo.” Where was she when Lauren was here this morning? Was she home? “Can you tell me about it?”
He gives a small smile in my direction as I mouth, Thank you.
“There were dancing paintbrushes and singing brooms.” He is so animated as he tells Finn about the story. His face lights up the room.
“What kind of meds did the doctor give him?” Finn chuckles.
I set the bowl of ice cream with an additional scoop than normal in front of Andy.
“Wow.” As Andy is still in awe of the bowl in front of him, Finn swoops in and steals a spoonful. “Hey,” Andy shouts, pouting.
“Sorry, little man. It looked too good. You’re one lucky boy. Auntie Lo would never let me have ice cream for breakfast.”
His frown transforms into a smug smile and, with his healthy arm, pats Finn on the arm. “Don’t worry, Uncle Finn, I’ll talk to her. She loves me.” Where did this confidence come from in my son? Watching my best friend get schooled by a four-year-old is a pleasant distraction from my thoughts, but I know I can’t avoid them for forever.