CHAPTER14
“While I was tied to that bed, I had a great deal of time to think about everything,” Aidan was saying, his expression earnest. “Time to think about you and how much your friendship means to me and how bloody selfish I have been. It was unfair of me to use you to anger my family, and I admit it. It was also wrong of me to want to marry you when I had no intention of remaining faithful. You deserve so much better than that, so much better than me.”
Pen had returned from The Sinner’s Palace II to find her friend awaiting her in the parlor, looking sheepish and requesting a word.
But this was decidedly not what she had anticipated. An invitation to another bare-knuckle match, or a covert expedition to The Garden of Flora, mayhap. An apology that was alarmingly close to a declaration, however? No.
She had a sick feeling she knew where this conversation was heading, and she had to stop it before it went too far. “I am certain you had time aplenty to consider everything that had happened, but I am not upset with you, Aidan. I never planned to marry you, and you know that.”
“So you told me, but I was hoping you would—will—change your mind.” He reached for her hand.
This was new, a gesture of affection between them. For the entirety of their friendship, Aidan had been a reckless, silly rakehell with not a modicum of seriousness in him. His attentions had never been amorous in nature. Indeed, until he had formulated his ludicrous notion they get betrothed to anger his family, Pen had been hard-pressed to believe he even saw her as a female. On most occasions when they were together, she dressed as a cove to hide her true identity.
She tried to tug her hand from his, but he clung steadfastly.
“Whatever do you mean, Aidan?” she asked. “What is there to change my mind about?”
“About me.” He gave her fingers a squeeze. “About us.”
Us?
Good heavens.
“I care about you as my friend,” she reassured him, “just as I always have. However, there is no us, Aidan. There never has been, nor shall there ever be.”
“How can you be so certain? We have never tried to make there be an us.” He shook his head. “I should have courted you properly. I would like to do so now, if you would permit it.”
Aidan wanted to court her.
Meanwhile, his brother, the man she loved, wanted nothing to do with her. He had made love to her, announced it had been a mistake, and then professed his intention to marry someone else. A suitable bride, no doubt. A perfectly groomed, wealthy lady who knew how to curtsy and dance and play the pianoforte. How Pen hated that lady, whomever she was.
How she longed to be her.
But Aidan was watching her now, awaiting her response.
“You must know I care for you. Heavens, if I didn’t, I would have happily given you a basting after all the troubles you caused me. But I am in love with someone else.”
“You are?” He almost sounded slightly relieved.
He probably was. Knowing Aidan, this was some sort of addle-pated means of making amends for the recent tangle he had made of her life.
“Yes,” she said, thinking of Garrick as her heart squeezed painfully. “Unfortunately, I am.”
She was in love with the wrong brother, and he would never love her in return.
“Why do you say unfortunately?” Aidan was still holding her hand, but Pen felt nary a spark, no hint of awareness.
Only Garrick could move her, it seemed.
“Because the man I love does not love me,” she said, biting her lip to stave off a rush of tears.
She would not weep over a hardhearted, arrogant lord.
She would not.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
She was, blast it all.
“Dash the blighter,” Aidan said, releasing her hand to reach into his coat and extract a handkerchief and offer it to her. “He does not deserve you either.”
She sniffed, trying to keep the waterworks at bay and failing. “No, he does not.”
She should have told him so last night. But then, she never should have been so foolish as to fall in love with Garrick in the first place.
“Are you certain you do not wish to marry me, then?” Aidan waggled his brows at her in comical fashion.
Pen laughed though her tears. For all that he had unwittingly put her on the path that had led to her broken heart, Aidan was dear to her. He could exasperate and charm simultaneously. It was one of his talents.
“It would not be fair to you,” she said. “There is only one man I want to marry, and he is marrying another.”
“Who?”