‘Have you told him?’ she asks, with a perfectly plucked brow arched at me.
‘No, I can’t. ’
‘Why?’ she blurts, totally surprised.
‘Kate, I don’t know what I am to him. He can be so gentle and loving, saying things I can’t get my head around, and the next minute, he’s brutally fierce, unreasonable and controlling. He tries to control me!’ I open my water, taking a swig to moisten my dry mouth. ‘He manipulates me with sex when I don’t jump at his command, tramples anyone, including me, if they get in the way of him. He’s bordering on impossible. No, he is impossible. ’
Kate looks at me with compassion in her bright blues. ‘Sam told me he’s never seen Jesse like this before. Apparently, he’s famed for his easy going nature. ’
I laugh. I could describe Jesse with many words. Easy going would not feature anywhere on my list. ‘Kate, he’s not easy going, trust me. ’
‘You obviously bring out the worst in him. ’ She smiles.
‘Obviously,’ I agree. Easy going? What a joke. ‘He brings out the worst in me too. He hates me swearing, so I do it more. He has an issue with exposing my flesh to anyone other than him, so I wear shorter dresses. He tells me not to get drunk, so I do. It’s not healthy, Kate. One second he tells me that he loves having me around, the next I’m his current fuck. What am I supposed to think?’
‘But you’re still here,’ she says thoughtfully. ‘And you’re not going to get any answers if you don’t ask the damn questions. ’
‘I do ask questions. ’
‘The right ones?’
What are the right questions? I look at my best friend and wonder why she’s not kidnapping me from the tower and hiding me away from Jesse. She’s seen him in action – surely that would be enough for any best friend to intervene. ‘Why are you not telling me to leg it?’ I ask suspiciously. ‘Is it because he brought you a van?’
‘Don’t be stupid, Ava. I would toss that van right back at him if you wanted me to. You’re more important. I’m not telling you to leg it because I know you don’t want to. What you need to be doing is telling him how you feel, negotiating acceptable levels of intenseness. ’ She grins. ‘In the bedroom is fine, yes?’
I smile. ‘He said he’d make sure I’ll always need him. He has. I really need him, Kate. ’
‘Talk to him, Ava. ’ She gives me a little nudge on the shoulder. ‘You can’t go on like this. ’ She shakes her head.
I definitely can’t go on like this; I’ll be in an asylum within a month. My heart and brain are being yanked from one side to the other by the hour. I don’t know my arse from my head. If it means slapping my heart down on the table for him to trample all over, then so be it. At least I’ll know where I am. I’ll recover…eventually…I think.
I stand up. ‘Will you take me to The Manor?’ I ask. I need to do this now before I bottle it. I need to tell him how I feel.
Author: Jodi Ellen Malpas
Kate springs from the stool. ‘Yes!’ she sings enthusiastically. ‘I’ve been dying to see this place. ’
‘It’s a hotel, Kate. ’ I roll my eyes, but let her have her excitement. My car’s at hers, so I’m kind of stuck without her. ‘Give me five. ’ I run upstairs to change into my jeans and ballet pumps, meeting Kate at the front door in record time. I send Jesse a quick text to tell him I’m on my way.
It’s time to lay my cards on the table.
Chapter 36
We walk into the Sunday evening sunshine, but I don’t see Margo Junior. I scan the car park for the big, pink van, but it’s not like you can miss the giant heap of metal.
‘Oh, I hope you don’t mind. ’ Kate laughs nervously, just as I spot my Mini, roof down and parked in one of Jesse’s spaces.
‘You’re a cheeky cow!’
She waves off my insult. ‘Don’t you narrow those big browns on me, Ava O’Shea. If I didn’t drive her, then she would be sat outside the house for eternity. It’s a waste. ’ The indicators flash, and I put my hand out for the keys, which she reluctantly hands over on a huff.
We drive out towards the Surrey Hills discussing the merits of domineering men. We both reach the same conclusion: Yes to sex and no to all other aspects of a relationship.
The problem is: Jesse manages to drag sex into all aspects of our relationship, using it, mostly, to get his way. And I can’t ever seem to say no so I’m pretty much doomed. This could all be over within an hour. The thought sends an unbearable ache to my stomach, but I have to be sensible here. I’m already in way over my head.
I pull off the main road, up to the gates. They open immediately, letting me through.
‘Holy shit!’ Kate exclaims as we drive up the long, gravel driveway, flanked by trees.