Gemma
The walkback to Bain’s car gave me enough time to shove away the hurt and pull in the anger. My limbs were shaky, and I had a hard time calming my racing heart. I wasn’t sure if I was in shock or if I was truly just that angry about everything that had happened in the last hour, but whatever it was, I was ready to lash out.
The Covens. Isaiah had said, The Covens. He gave this place a name that I’d never heard before. I stood with my back pressed against Bain’s G-wagon as Isaiah thrust his hands out for the keys, but instead, I stared at the building behind him. The sign was still flickering, but the building itself looked to be quiet. I wanted to ask questions, but there was too much tension between us, and I didn’t trust myself to be back on level ground with him.
He wanted to push me away.
I’d do the same.
I came to St. Mary’s with no intention of forming relationships that were built on trust with people, and that was how I was going to leave. Although a bit bruised, at least I’d have my dignity back intact.
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out Bain’s spare keys, shoving them into Isaiah’s hand—the same hand that had just been on my hips a few minutes ago, causing things to twist inside of me that shouldn’t have been twisting.
I was still confused. Confused about a lot of things. Was Isaiah using me to get to Bain? To lure him in? Or was it the other way around? I understood Isaiah’s reasoning as to why he’d acted like that in front of his father. But I didn’t agree with it, and the sting was still there. It stung even more when he’d completely glossed over my question about who was actually using me in their little game, which probably answered the question in itself.
“So, tell me…” Isaiah turned the key, and the G-wagon came to life. If there weren’t so many other things to be concerned about, I’d wonder if Bain knew I’d taken his car. “How did you get the spare set from Bain? We searched his room high and low before leaving for Temple. Where were they?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and glared out the window as the psychiatric hospital grew distant. “You expect me to answer your questions, but you won’t answer mine?” Something evil stirred in my blood, and I fought the bratty smile that was sliding onto my face. I suddenly felt like we were back on day one when he’d called me a good girl and I snarked a response back. “Maybe I let him touch me like I did your friends.”
The car suddenly increased in speed, and I held back a smile. I knew I was being immature, but if I didn’t keep up with this whole facade that I wasn’t hurt and feeling the shocks of panic still surface, I was afraid I’d break down, and that was something I’d have to save for when I was alone.
Because I was hurt, and with that came shame. I was ashamed that I had given someone the power to hurt me again.
When Isaiah looked down at me, just moments ago, as he pressed me up against the tree with his darkened blue eyes and furrowed brow, and allowed the words, “We’re done,” to hit my ears, it felt like a slap across the face. It was stupid because I knew we hadn’t even really started, and I knew we could never be anything anyway, but it hurt to hear him say it. Especially on top of everything he’d said to his father about me, true or not.
“And did you like it?” Isaiah glanced at me once, and I could see that he didn’t believe that I’d actually let Bain touch me, but I could also see that my words had gotten to him, and for a fleeting second, I was glad that I saw the hurt on his face.
I shrugged. “Why do you care? I’m just another piece of fresh ass, right?”
The prickles of betrayal were still there. The question of whether taking my virginity meant anything to him ate at me. What if he’d been kissing and touching me all just for show? Even the times that were in secret? Was it all just to prove to Bain that he couldn’t have me? Was this some sick way of showing how formidable he was? Did he fool me into thinking that I meant something to him? Did he fool others? He’d all but said it the first time he’d kissed me in front of everyone. “I need people to know you’re mine.”
“Knock it off, Gemma.” His grip on the steering wheel grew tighter as the lines on the road blurred even more. “I told you why I said that, and of all people, I thought you’d understand.”
I knew we were getting closer to St. Mary’s and that I’d be able to go into my room to sort everything out soon, but instead of keeping my mouth shut, I kept going. In a way, it put me back in control, and I needed that. “Haven’t you heard the saying: ‘Every lie has a bit of truth to it’?” I clicked my tongue. “Just food for thought.”
His fingers flexed as we rounded the bend. The dilapidated warehouse in its run-down glory sat in the distance, and I suddenly couldn't wait to be back at the school. I needed my sketchbook, and my pencil, and a quiet room where I could digest everything that had happened.
I waited as Isaiah’s mouth opened. “Oh, I’ve heard that saying. I believe it to be true in most aspects.” There was a hiccup in my chest, and I almost put my hand over my heart to ease the sting I’d felt. “I wasn’t lying when I said fucking you was like fucking an angel. Or that it was nice and pure.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. I sliced my attention back out my window so he couldn’t read my facial expression, because I was certain there was something on my face that I didn’t want him to see. I started to breathe heavily, and irritation was poking at my skin like a thousand little needles.
The car came to a stop, and I threw the door open, stepping out and turning on my heel to begin my walk back to the school. I didn’t even care if he put Bain’s keys back where they were supposed to go. I just needed to get away.
I heard his strides coming up behind me, the gravel being crushed by his shoe. His hands went into his pockets as his arm brushed mine, and I suddenly felt flushed. “Every time I fucking touched you, it was like touching an angel, Gemma. Perfect and captivating. I felt unworthy every single time.”
My brow creased as I felt my wall sliding down. No. I wasn’t going to let his words demolish the shield I’d thrown up the second he played into his father’s hand. If I did that, then a whole round of emotions would come through. I gulped back anything trying to come out of my throat, picked up my pace, and didn’t stop until St. Mary’s came into view.
Isaiah and I stopped right outside the gate before he reached out with a steady hand and pulled it open, allowing me to walk through. We kept our thoughts to ourselves as we passed by his uncle’s little cottage, and I shoved the memories away of the last time we’d walked past it together. My arms came up and crossed over my chest as I lifted my chin.
The hallway was as quiet as it usually was, the black-and-white floor shiny and sleek. I didn’t dare look at the dining hall because it looked different in the night. It brought back a secret that only he and I shared, and it was something that no longer mattered, even if my lips began tingling at the mere thought.
Isaiah looked back behind us before turning to face me. I saw the way he looked at me, and it sent little shivers everywhere. His blue eyes were swimming with things I couldn’t decipher. His jaw wiggled back and forth. His hand came up, and he rushed it through the dark ends of his hair, and he brushed past me, knowing I’d follow.
I just needed to get back to my room.
“I can get to my room from here. You don’t have to walk me.” My voice was wobbly, and I knew that I would break soon. The ache in my head was pounding. The feelings of anger and betrayal were slowly slipping away. The need to lash out was gone because a part of me understood. Deep down, I knew what it was like to play a part. I knew what it was like to be someone you weren’t to save yourself and others. But my heart hurt. My chest cracked, knowing that I wouldn’t feel Isaiah’s lips on mine again. I was cut right down the middle in the realization that I didn’t necessarily feel safe with him any longer. My secrets didn’t threaten to spill off the end of my lips, and that was because I wasn’t sure if I trusted him anymore, and that hurt worse than anything.
“I’m walking you to your room,” he said, voice lacking any emotion at all.
“I don’t want you to. I’m fine doing it on my own.”
“Just like you were fine sneaking out of St. Mary’s alone?” His response was like a bite to my skin, because he was right. I wasn’t sure I would have gotten out of the situation I had been in if he, Cade, and Brantley hadn’t chased me off into the woods.
Everything was so messed up, and it was all I could think about as we both silently walked down the hall to my room, both on edge, wondering if the duty teacher would be making her rounds anytime soon.
My hand rested on the iron-clad knob, and I felt the heat from Isaiah’s body lingering behind mine. I shut my eyes, breathing heavily as everything came to a sudden stop. The hurt. The fear. The betrayal. The confusion. The realization that he was trying to do the right thing. Maybe this was him trying to be selfless. Or maybe he really had been using me this whole time to get to Bain.
I wasn’t really sure. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“Gemma?” he whispered, voice soft, likely wondering why I hadn’t moved. Was he hurting too?
I kept my head down, voice hardly audible. “There’s another reason why I didn’t ask you to go with me tonight. It wasn’t only because I was afraid that you’d get caught and it’d be all my fault. It wasn’t only because I was worried for your little brother.” I swallowed as one single tear fell over the side of my cheek. “I knew that I was stepping into something that I wasn’t quite ready to share with you yet. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, Isaiah. I just wasn’t ready to give you something else from my past.”My lip trembled as I thought back to the green awning over my head, feeling the memory peek over my walls right before his father had grabbed me. “I’ve been to the place you call The Covens. That’s why I went back alone.”